These Days
by xrxdanixrx
Summary: Life threw me a curve, so I stayed behind. Seeing you now, with your long hair and big dreams, it's hard to admit I'm not doing much these days...except thinking of you.
1. Together

**A/N: **

**Many of you were probably expecting my next multi-chap, _Washed Up_, but I'm taking a quick detour first. **

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-readers are Charmie77, Dinx, and tj123001. All the help was much appreciated, so thank you, ladies. **

**Like I said in the first chapter of MPMI, there's no Jacob, James, and hey, there's no Tanya, either. There is also no Mary Sue. Sorry, guys!

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**CHAPTER ONE  
*TOGETHER***

**Beginning of Summer 2005**

My high school existence was no more. No more ridiculous tests, no more boring teachers, no more walking down the same monotonous halls, shoving past people I'd most likely never see again. I was done with it all. I felt free, the binds breaking as I ended a chapter of my life.

After I opened the front door of the house, I made my way outside and over to the mailbox.

Junk.

Junk.

Sweet.

I stuffed the junk mail back in the mailbox carelessly, smiled to myself, and quickly trekked up the driveway, walking alongside the wooden fence that separated my house from my neighbor's.

When I entered my backyard, I stood on the balls of my feet and peered over the tall fence, only to see a vacant backyard. I quirked an eyebrow, wondering if I'd gotten the time wrong.

Suddenly, a head popped up on the other side of the fence out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of me and causing me to stumble back a bit.

"Hey!"

"Bella," I scolded angrily, my breaths shallow.

She giggled, a wide grin on her face as she gazed down at me. She looked about six feet tall. How the hell was she so high up?

"Are you standing on something?" I asked.

"My dad's tool box," she answered sheepishly.

I chuckled and reached up to gently hit the top of her head with the envelope. "Come on, let's do this."

"Wait," she urged, and brought her hands over the fence. She was holding two pairs of sunglasses. "Which should I take with me? These?" She put on the pair of lime green, 80s retro shades she usually wore, flashed her teeth at me for effect, and replaced the glasses with these big, alien looking ones. "Or these?"

I wrinkled my nose. I didn't like the ones she was wearing. "You look ridiculous."

She pouted, appearing offended. "They're Hollywood sunglasses. I like them. Everyone these days has a pair."

I pushed them up to the top of her head. "You look better without. Now, can we please do this?" I questioned, waving the envelope in her face.

She reached behind her and made a weird face before materializing the same envelope I had. "Ready."

"Did you just pull that out of your ass?" I questioned with a smirk.

She snorted. "I had to hide it down my pants. If my mom saw, she would've demanded I open it in front of her." She began tearing into the envelope, not bothering to wait for me, so I quickly opened mine to catch up.

I pulled out a folded up piece of paper and opened it. My eyes scanned over the sheet, and I pressed my lips together, suppressing a grin. Looking up at her, she was frowning. "What'd you get?" I asked eagerly.

Her eyes were darting around the paper. "B, B, A, B, A, B…C…" Her voice tapered off the end sadly.

I furrowed my brow. This wasn't good. "What's the C for?"

She scowled. "Gym."

I sighed. "That's not bad, right? I mean, it's just running around and doing crap." My words hadn't helped, the frown still apparent on her face. "I'm sure it'll be fine, Bella. We'll figure it out."

She nodded and folded up her report card. "Your turn."

I showed her mine. "Just Bs mostly."

The smile she emitted nearly blinded me.

According to our parents, our grades had to be either As or Bs, otherwise we couldn't live our dream after graduation. Her C would probably be a problem, but we'd smooth talk her parents, just like we had when we hatched this entire plan.

"Edwaaarrrd!" a tiny but loud voice called out from the other side of the house.

I groaned and stuffed the report card back in the envelope, then shoved it in my back pocket. "Duty calls. I'll meet you at my car in an hour."

She saluted me sarcastically with her envelope before disappearing below the fence. I retraced my steps back to the front of the house, finding my little sister eagerly moving her head left and right, no doubt in search of me. She was ready, dressed in her youth soccer uniform.

"Right here, Ali," I assured, coming around the side of the house.

She had a soccer ball tucked under one arm, while her other arm was bent at her waist, her hand on her hip. "Where were you?" she huffed, her eyebrows pinched together. For just a nine year old, she managed to be way too nosey.

"None of your business," I said, and took the ball from her arms. "Now, let's go."

She quickly ran a few feet away from me, stopped, and turned around. "Ready!"

I set the ball on the ground and rolled it to her. As soon the ball came right up to her, she kicked it as hard as she could. It jerked to the side, landing in one of my mother's rose bushes. "No," I scolded. "How many times have we gone over how to kick it?"

"But I did kick it right," she countered.

"No, you didn't. Go get the ball," I demanded.

In response, she let out a subdued groan and leisurely walked to the bushes.

"Alice, hurry up," I reprimanded. "This is why you're the slowest girl on the team."

She stopped, turned around, and stomped her foot angrily. "I am not!"

I wanted to groan. She'd turned into such a brat lately. "Get the ball and come over here," I ordered, getting fed up.

She picked up the pace and retrieved the ball. Once she was next to me, I properly showed her how to kick, with the side of her foot, not with her toes.

We went back to our original spots, and this time, I kicked it to her gently. Of course, she kicked the same exact way and it wound up going over my head and into the neighbor's front yard. I sighed and turned to go get it.

Once I walked down the driveway and onto the sidewalk, I saw the soccer ball resting idle in the middle of the stone path, leading up to the front door. I bent to the ground, grabbed it, and stood. My eyes caught movement and automatically flitted up.

Bella was in her bedroom, by the window, looking at a T-shirt she held. I couldn't help but stand still, watching. She suddenly grabbed the hem of the shirt she was wearing and lifted it over her head. The thin tank top she wore beneath rose up halfway past her chest, showing the expanse of her smooth, white stomach, as well as a light blue bra. I could just make out the swell of her breasts, until she pushed her tank back down.

_Bad thoughts. Go away. Not good_, I chastised to myself, blinking rapidly and swallowing thickly. My thoughts were beginning to enter that dangerous zone I'd tried hard to suppress. I mean, I'd seen her in a bikini more than once. This was exactly the same, right?

"Edward!" Alice called out.

I turned away quickly and jogged back around the fence and to Alice, who looked impatient. We resumed and got into a flow of kicking the ball back and forth. She was still struggling to kick with the side of her foot, but with more practice, she'd get it.

Finally, the front door opened and my dad walked out, holding a brown paper bag.

"Let's go, Alice," he said, walking to his car.

"I'm hungry," she whined, with a pout.

My dad held up the bag. "I brought you bagels. You can eat them on the way."

Alice's face lit up, and she regarded me again. "One more kick," she requested.

I gently kicked it to her. She wound her leg back and then brutally crashed her foot forward. The ball narrowly missed me, bouncing off my used Ford Focus and landing in the street. She was bent over, cackling.

"You little brat. You hit my car!" I growled, and glanced over to my dad, who had an amused smile on his face. He wasn't going to say anything?

I took steps to her and hooked my arm around her shoulder, bringing her to me. My knuckles came up her head and began roughing her hair. She hated knuckle sandwiches.

"No! Stop! Stop!" she yelled, trying to get out of my hold. Her little hands began tacking big whacks at my body.

"Alright, you two. Enough," my dad intervened.

I let go of Alice, pushing her away. She ran her hands over her hair frantically and shot me a heated glare. She gave me one final whack, right in my gut, causing me to bend over slightly and let out a winded moan.

"I'm getting the ball, Daddy," she spoke, and skipped over to the street.

"Alice!" Dad and I shouted in unison.

"Stay out of the street!" he ordered.

Not listening to either of us, she walked onto the road and grabbed the ball. There was a loud car horn that blared. I turned my head swiftly, seeing a car speeding down the street. She was going to get hit!

Not wasting a second, I hastily ran to her and grabbed a hold of her upper arm, tugging her roughly back onto the sidewalk. The car passed, the angry driver glaring at us.

"Do you want to get killed?" I questioned in a pant. How could she be so careless? If anything had happened to her…

"I was just getting the ball," she said, her voice sunken.

Dad was suddenly next to us, bending down to Alice's level. "What have I told you about running into the street?" She didn't answer, choosing to pout instead. "Answer me."

"Don't go into the street without you, Mom, or Edward," she said sadly, as if rehearsed.

"Come on," Dad ordered with a sigh, tugging on her arm.

"Can I still have bagels?" she asked, her voice taking on her usual false sadness in order to manipulate him.

Rolling my eyes, I went to my car and inspected the part where the soccer ball had hit. Thankfully, it hadn't done any noticeable damage. After my inspection, I leaned against my car, waiting patiently.

Only a few minutes later, Bella walked into my driveway, a smile lighting up her face.

My eyes immediately roamed down her body against my own will. "You changed," I noted. She had gotten rid of the jeans and opted for a denim skirt with pink leggings, including her green sunglasses in the scheme. She'd kept on her purple tank, which I remembered seeing on her through her window. I darted my eyes away, her blue bra vivid in my memory…

_Shit.  
_

"Yeah, I was dying from the heat," she said with a shrug and opened the door to the passenger side. "Are we going?"

I hopped in and turned on the engine. Her fingers instantly went to the radio, switching it on and turning to one of the annoying pop stations she always listened to. I let her, though. I could listen to my alternative rock anytime I wanted.

"Just think," she yelled out over a loud Kelly Clarkson song, "this time next year, we'll be livin' the dream."

I smiled to myself and reversed out of the driveway.

One of the best things about my friendship with Bella was that we always wanted the same things. We met in our freshman year, after I moved here with my family from Chicago. I had no friends, but was wary to get to know her, just because I was stupid and embarrassed to be friends with a girl, but when I realized that I actually got along with her more than others, it became easy to hang out with her over the rest.

And the bonus was that she was my neighbor.

We had other friends, of course, but it came down to the fact that we relied on one another more than people realized. Like when Bella had a huge fight with her dad for missing curfew one night in our sophomore year. She was banned from going to the school dance, which was to be held later that week. We'd grown so close by then that it wasn't even a question whether I'd skip out on a fun night to stay with her. I spent most of that evening making her forget about the dance and what a grump her father was.

"Guess what?" she prompted, and turned down the music.

"You finally got busted for having those porn magazines."

"Shut up," she reprimanded, with a laugh. "Cosmopolitan isn't porn."

"Suuuure," I teased, and wondered briefly if she'd ever even looked at porn. Maybe I didn't want to know. Maybe I did…

"Anyway, my aunt said we could stay with her."

"Really?" I questioned, surprised. "Even with your cousins there?"

"There's only one spare bedroom, but I figured you could just take the couch."

I snorted. "Great."

Bella and I were those types of people in school who were noticed by some, and unnoticed by others. We were average. Our grades were average. Our school involvement was average. Our social life was average. We weren't popular, but we also weren't losers. I didn't mind, and neither did she. We had fun together, and that was what counted. But our dream was to no longer be average after high school. We wanted to be seen, to be heard. The thing was…we didn't exactly know what we were doing, but that was all a part of the excitement of it.

After we bought our subs from a nearby Subway, we drove back toward our neighborhood, choosing to bypass our homes and go to our usual spot.

I drove the car up the incline of the steep hill, rising higher and higher to a deserted cul-de-sac where there were a couple abandoned houses in the process of being built. They were practically mansions, definitely bigger than ours. For several weeks now, we'd been coming up here to see how much further along the houses were.

I parked right along the curb of a vacant lot that had just been sold. We both got out, taking our sandwiches with us. She hopped up to sit on the hood of the car and began eating, while I stood next to her, looking up at the big houses.

"When these rich people move in, it'll change the neighborhood," she remarked. "Couldn't they have found somewhere else to live? Why here?"

I shrugged in response as I bit into my sandwich.

"Dad says he can hear the construction all the way to our house," she said, setting her sub down on a few napkins, and brushed her hands together to wipe off the crumbs. There was a wicked gleam in her eye that I knew well. "You think we'll get in trouble if we go on that empty lot?"

I smiled and placed my sandwich next to hers. "Not if we don't get caught."

She laughed. "I like your style."

I held my hand out to help her down from the hood. She placed her fingers on my palm, and I wrapped mine around her small hand, trying my best not to rub my thumb along her soft skin.

Slowly, she placed her feet on the ground and looked up at me from under her thick lashes. "Thanks," she spoke quietly, and walked past me.

I looked after her for a moment before I followed. We took careful steps through the overgrown weeds of the vacant lot. Since we were on a hill, a good portion of Forks could be seen from here. It almost felt like we were somewhere else other than this small, boring town.

When she stopped walking, I stopped, as well. My arm was brushing up against hers, causing goose bumps to rise on my skin, so I took a smell step to the side, trying not to look too obvious.

"The rich ones always get the good view," she analyzed.

"Who would want a good view of Forks?" I asked with humor.

"True," she said, and chuckled. "It's better to be rich in LA and have a good view there than in a hokey town like ours." A small dimple formed in her cheek as her smile grew. "I can't wait. Can we go now?"

I laughed. "Our parents want us to stay until the end of summer, remember?"

She groaned, rolling her eyes. "Oh, right. There are too many rules."

"Whatever. I'm just glad they're letting us take a year off until college."

"Well, when we go to LA, we'll just have to become millionaires so that we never have to go to college."

I chuckled, but knew that would be next to impossible for either of us. However, I had a feeling she actually believed she could. "Sounds like a plan."

She suddenly looked at me sadly, making me wonder what caused the shift. "But let's stay the same. I hear all these stories about people going out there and becoming a different person. I don't want you to be any different."

I furrowed my brow, my stomach starting to roll with the way she was looking at me. "I won't change. I promise." And I meant it. I hoped, in turn, she wouldn't, either. I liked her exactly the way she was.

We were quiet as we continued to look out at the view. I took the opportunity to sneak a glance at her. I'd been doing this a lot more lately, stealing looks when she wouldn't notice. It was strange. I never really bothered to pay attention to her as much when we were younger, but something changed around junior year.

Probably in the form of her body.

She got thinner, her hips filled out, and her boobs grew from nothing to something. I probably paid attention the most to her boobs, to be honest, not that I could help it.

She once was okay looking to me, and then I thought she was kind of cute…but now…I didn't know. She was almost pretty. She still dressed like a crazy person with her bright colors, but aside from all that, she had just…changed. And she made me laugh and smile all the time without even trying.

Yeah, I was sort of crushing on her.

I couldn't stop it, really. It was just there—this physical attraction to her. Of course, I wouldn't act on it. It was a stupid crush, I knew that. It was like that crush I had on a counselor at summer camp, because I knew nothing would ever come of it, and it'd probably fizzle. Plus, we were skipping town together soon. There were bigger things to think about than how the sun's rays were currently making her short, dark, brown hair look almost chestnut.

She abruptly whipped her head to me. Taken aback, I quickly looked dead straight.

"Stop looking at me, loser," she said, and giggled.

I rolled my eyes. Yeah, this crush would fizzle fast.

The sound of a distant car startled us, and Bella suddenly tugged on my arm, leading us quickly back to where I parked.

"Relax. We're not getting in trouble," I assured, but spoke too soon as Bella's father's police cruiser appeared and stopped right behind my car.

"Crap," Bella whispered, letting go of my arm quickly.

Mr. Swan stepped out of his cruiser, his scrutinizing eyes on me. "What are you both doing up here?"

"Hi, Dad," she greeted enthusiastically, clearly trying to disarm him. "We just got some Subway and were hanging out."

"Edward," he said curtly, completely ignoring her and gesturing for me to go over to him.

I glanced at Bella, whose eyes were narrowed at her dad, and obeyed his request. "Yes, sir?" I questioned softly.

"I'm not your father, so I can't tell you what to do, but I'm hers, and I don't want her up here, you understand me?" he asked, his tone stern, but also laced with noticeable concern. "This area isn't safe for either of you, with all the construction."

I scratched the back of my neck. I hadn't really thought of that. The last thing I wanted was Bella getting hurt. "I'm sorry, sir. We'll leave right away."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "You know, I'm letting her go out to California with you, because you're a good kid, and I trust you, but you'll be hundreds of miles away from your family, who won't be able to tell you what's right and what's wrong. Just have a little more common sense, that's all."

I swallowed thickly, knowing he wasn't just talking about physical safety. "Okay."

He nodded and opened his car door. "Bella, I'll see you at home in five minutes," he said over my shoulder. "Don't look at me like that." He got in his car and turned on his engine.

I waited until he drove away before walking back to Bella, who had a scowl on her face.

"Ugh! I can't believe him!" she exclaimed, stomping to the passenger side door. "He treats me like I'm two!"

We both got in and buckled our seatbelts. Before I could turn the key in the ignition, her hand covered mine, causing me to freeze.

"Hey," she said gently, "don't listen to him, okay? He's just being over protective, as usual."

I nodded in agreement, but knew what he said was right in a roundabout way. When we would go out to LA, I'd have to take care of her. I'd never taken care of anything in my entire life. Was I ready for something like that?

That was when I realized it didn't matter. She was my best friend, and I'd take care of her if it meant keeping her by my side. And that was all that mattered to me in the world.

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**A/N: **

**The next chapter will come around within the next few days, as I always do with first and second chapters. I'm not sure about a schedule, but it'll either be a week to week thing or every few days. I hope you continue. I believe with the next chapter, you'll really get an idea of the plot.  
**

**There's a Polyvore on my profile for this chapter. **

**Until next time…**

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


	2. Loss

**A/N: **

**Thank you for the great response so far. Like I said, the plot picks up in this chapter.**

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx. TY both!

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**CHAPTER TWO  
*LOSS***

"Well, that speech was…interesting," my mother said.

I snorted quietly from the backseat.

My parents, sister, and I were heading back home in the car after my graduation. Jessica Stanley was valedictorian and wrote the world's dumbest speech. I didn't have a clue how she could get such high grades for being a complete airhead.

Bella and I hadn't been sitting together, because "Cullen" and "Swan" weren't exactly close, alphabetically speaking, but I kept looking over my shoulder, catching her eye when Jessica would say something particularly dim-witted. She'd roll her eyes and press her lips together to contain a smile.

"How does it feel to be a high school graduate?" Dad asked. He gave me a soft smile through the rearview mirror.

"Awesome," I answered. I was definitely ready to be done with that part of my life. And after the graduation party tonight, I would be.

"Daddy, I wanna drive," Alice requested excitedly, next to me.

"Of course, sweetie," my father agreed. "Hop in the front."

Just as Alice was removing her seatbelt, my mother intervened. "No, Alice," she said firmly. "Put your seatbelt back on."

"But Dad said I could drive," Alice spoke sadly.

"Esme, I let her do this all the time. It's fine," my father assured.

"You spoil her too much. It needs to stop," Mom reprimanded. "Can't you see it's affecting her behavior?"

"I wanna drive!" Alice shouted, her temper flaring.

"Shut up, Alice," I barked. Mom was right. She was such a spoiled little shit.

"You shut up!" she countered.

"Enough," Dad ordered. "Not today, sweetheart. Just sit in the back. We're almost home."

Alice let out a high-pitched whine and crossed her arms over her chest. She shot a glare at Mom, who sighed and faced the front again. Alice and my mom didn't exactly have the best relationship for no other reason except that Mom didn't give Alice everything she wanted. My father, on the other hand, would buy her the state of Washington if she asked for it.

When we arrived home, I went straight up to my room and took a shower. I didn't have much time to get ready, so I had to make it quick. My hair was wet as I threw on some casual jeans and a T-shirt.

I told Mom and Dad goodbye and tried to unravel Alice's arms from around my waist when she asked to come with me. Once I was outside, I got in my car, reversed out of the driveway, and parked directly in front of Bella's house.

Her bedroom light was on, and I could see her running around. I honked the car horn once and sat idle. In no less than five seconds, her bedroom light switched off. I turned on the radio to a low level and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel.

She finally came out of her house and made her way to my car. The passenger door opened and she sat herself inside.

"Hi," she greeted with a shy grin.

"Hey," I replied, and appraised what she was wearing. She had on a jeans and a wife beater, with a chunky orange bead necklace. I smiled, because she always had to have on something bright. "You look cute."

_Did I really just say that? _

She tucked her short hair behind her ear and looked down. "Thank you," she said quietly.

When I realized I was making her—not to mention myself—uncomfortable with my stare, I pulled the car away from the curb.

We'd been invited to Mike Newton's graduation party, which was supposed to be huge. Mostly everyone in our grade would be there tonight. I didn't mind not going, but Bella wanted to, so of course I would follow. Plus, her father practically scolded me to keep an eye on her or else, and he was pretty scary most of the time, so I didn't want to piss him off.

A sea of cars already took up every space on the street, so we had to park two blocks down. Bella and I tried to guess ahead of time who would end up puking tonight. We both agreed it would be Jessica.

Mike's house was big, and I had to admit, I was pretty intimidated. My parents weren't wealthy or anything, and our two story house was modest, at best. But what bugged me the most was just him. I didn't like the guy…for many reasons. Well, probably just one.

Music was blaring, voices were loud, and it was apparent that everyone was already well on their way to being drunk. Bella and I made our way through the house, looking for people we would know. We found Ben and Angela in the kitchen, drinking from their red Solo cups as they talked intimately.

Angela and Bella gossiped quietly, while Ben gave me a rundown on a used Ford he'd been saving up to get. We spent a while comparing my Ford Focus to the Ford Fusion he wanted.

Bella reached up on her toes to my ear, using my shoulder to hoist herself up. "I need to go to the bathroom," she admitted.

"Go then," I said. Why was she telling me? "Do you not know where it is?"

"Uh, no, I remember where it is."

I furrowed my brow and tried not to groan at that loaded answer. "Well, go."

"Will you be here?" she asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah."

She walked away, leaving me with Angela and Ben. They continued chatting to me for a bit, before others joined us. I wanted to roll my eyes when Lauren smiled lazily at me, bringing her long, dirty blonde hair around to rest in the front. She was drunk. Great. I could tell she was pretty plastered, because otherwise, there was no way she'd be acknowledging me right now.

"Why aren't you drinking?" she asked loudly, not aware of the volume of her voice.

"I'd rather not have my body found in a ditch off the side of the road," I said.

She giggled, shaking her head, her face flushed. "You're too funny sometimes."

I had the displeasure of being able to call Lauren my ex-girlfriend. We actually dated for about a year back in tenth grade, which was longer than anyone would've thought. The relationship ended on a bad note when she dumped me in favor of Tyler—our school football team's linebacker. Of course, he dumped her at his graduation in favor of college girls.

"I wish we could've talked more," she spoke.

I smirked cockily. "Why is that?" It was funny that _now _she wished we could've talked more, when she'd been ignoring me for the last two years. Not that I cared. I actually preferred the ignoring after the sucky few months I had following our breakup.

"We had some good times." She took a long pull of whatever she was drinking and placed it on the counter.

I chose not to answer. Yeah, we had okay times, but that was a long time ago, and I was pretty over her.

Angela hopped up on the counter next to me. "Bella said you're both going to LA."

"Yeah, some time in the fall," I answered.

"That's awesome. I've always wanted to go," Lauren said in awe. "So, you two are pretty serious, then?"

"Uh, yeah, we're pretty serious about going to California."

She giggled. "No, I mean serious about _each other_."

I furrowed my brow. Huh? "We're not together."

Angela gave me a confused look, while Lauren seemed curious.

"We all thought you were dating," Angela said. "Like, everyone thought that."

Bella and me dating? That would be…weird…

"Uh, no. We're definitely not dating," I assured, averting my eyes.

"Hmm," Lauren hummed, and took another sip of her drink.

Angela hopped off the counter, telling us she was going to get something else to drink. That left me with Lauren, whose glazed over stare on me was becoming darker with each pull from her cup.

"You know what we should do?" she prompted, and smiled devilishly.

Oh no. I knew that smile. "Yeah, I know what you're going to say, and no." Definitely no.

She pouted. "Why not? I'm going off to college; you're going off to LA. It's not like it'd need to be anything serious." Her speech was starting to slur heavily.

"Lauren, you're drunk. Go sit down or something."

Her eyes crossed momentarily, and she blinked rapidly. "I am sitting down."

Okay…way more drunk than I realized.

"Yeah, I gotta go," I said, and left her standing in the kitchen with a vacant expression.

It was then that I noticed Bella hadn't come back from the bathroom. It'd been over twenty minutes since I saw her last. I hoped she was okay. I needed to find her, to make sure.

Moving past people, my eyes roamed around, until they found her. Shit…

Something inside me snapped, and I stomped my way out through the patio doors and around to the opposite side of the large pool where Bella was currently sitting on Mike Newton's lap in a lawn chair. He had a joint in his hand and passed it to her as he laughed and joked with some of his friends, seated around him.

"Bella," I barked, not able to control my voice.

Both Mike and Bella's eyes flashed to me. Mike had a smug grin on his face and planted his hand on her thigh.

Fucker.

"What?" she asked curiously, forgetting about the joint between her fingers. What the hell was she doing? She never smoked.

It pissed me off—her smoking a joint when she knew she'd have to go home later and face her parents. Not to mention, she was sitting in fucking Mike Newton's lap! What the hell was she playing at?

"Let's go," I ordered through gritted teeth.

"It's fine, Cullen. I'll take care of her," Mike assured, and moved his hand a little higher up her thigh.

I'd never wanted to pound anyone's face more than I did his. Bella and Mike had dated back in our freshman year, until he tried out for the football team sophomore year and turned into an asshole. He treated her like shit, making fun of her to his friends and going into detail about what they'd do together. She wound up dumping him, but he'd still had his eye on her since.

"We just got here a little while ago," Bella said, and took a drag of the joint, coughing afterward. She passed it back to Mike and looked away.

Fine. She wanted to sit here and be treated like crap by Mike, then who was I to stop her? I didn't need to stand here and watch it, though.

"I'm leaving," I announced, and walked away, my hands fisted at my sides.

"Thanks for stopping by, Cullen," I heard Mike say, and he laughed loudly with his friends.

I only just exited the house, when I heard Bella's voice shouting my name. I kept walking, keeping the same pace as I made my way down the driveway.

"Edward, stop walking," Bella urged behind me.

I stopped, turned around, and stared daggers at her. She slowed her steps when she saw I wasn't bullshitting around. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be sitting on Mike's lap?" I questioned with a sneer.

"I wasn't doing anything with him."

"Right."

She placed her hands on her hips defiantly. "What's with you?"

"Remember Mike? The guy you dumped? Now, you're sitting on his lap, smoking a joint?"

She huffed. "Yeah, and you looked pretty cozy with Lauren."

I furrowed my brow. She saw that? "We were just talking." Wait…why was I defending myself?

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "And I was just hanging out with Mike."

I flared my nostrils. "Whatever. I'm out," I said, and spun around, picking up my steps again.

"You're just going to leave me here?" she asked, a mixture of anger and sadness in her tone.

I turned around to look at her, walking backwards. "Get a ride from someone else. Ask Mike. I'm sure he has a free lap available." I faced forward again and took my keys out of my pocket.

I heard her growl loudly behind me, and suddenly, something smacked directly into the back of my head. I whipped around and saw a rolled up newspaper on the ground by my feet. My eyes shot up, and I glared venomously at her.

"I hate you, Edward Cullen!" she yelled fiercely, and stomped back inside the house.

My balled up fists tightened even more in fury, and I resumed walking to my car, a heavy feeling in my chest.

X-X-X-X

Later that night, I was sitting on the couch, watching some stupid _Drake and Josh_ show with Alice. I wasn't even paying attention to it, not like I would've on any other occasion, anyway. My thoughts were busy, and I was feeling like shit.

"This part is funny," Alice said, and let out a girlish giggle when some fat kid slipped and fell.

My mom came into the living room and stopped, surprised to see me. "Hey, honey, you're back early," she remarked. "Did you not have a good time?"

"Best time ever," I grumbled cynically.

"Is Bella back at home?"

I shrugged, staring mindlessly at the television.

"Edward." Her voice took on that tone when she wasn't happy with me. "Is she still at the party?"

"She's exactly where I left her."

"You were supposed to go there and come back together. Charlie and your father were specific about that."

"Big deal. She'll get a ride from someone else," I said casually. She was probably being driven home by _Mike_, after a good lap session.

"Now I have to call Renee and tell her you left. That was extremely selfish of you. Sometimes, you need to consider others before yourself," she reprimanded, and left the room.

I clenched my jaw. How the hell was it my fault if Bella wanted to stay? I'd wanted to go, and she'd made her choice not to come with me.

Sometime later, I decided to go up to my room. I was about to change into my pajamas, when I heard a car door slam outside and arguing follow. I went to my window and saw Bella walking across the lawn of her house, toward the front door. I could vaguely hear her mom scolding her, until they disappeared inside and everything went silent.

Her mom went and picked her up? I figured she'd get a ride from someone else…namely Mike.

My anger from before started to fade, and now I was just sad. I didn't like arguing with Bella, but I also didn't like her sitting on other guy's laps, especially _his_. Didn't she know the message she'd convey by doing that? Mike would think she was interested in him again. And what upset me was that it seemed like she actually _was_ interested in him again.

I remembered back to our argument with her saying she saw me with Lauren. Had she come out of the bathroom, only to find us in the kitchen, alone? She'd been gone a while, and it wasn't like her to just veer off without telling me. There had to be a reason. Maybe she was just as upset about seeing me with Lauren as I was when I saw her with Mike, considering she hated how Lauren treated me back then.

Shit…I was an idiot. It wasn't like anything happened with Lauren and me, but I could understand why she'd be upset at finding me with her.

I really needed to see her.

The entire house was silent, with my sister and parents asleep. I managed to slip outside undetected and walked over to her house. I could see her light on in her bedroom, but I couldn't actually see her. I didn't think twice when I decided to climb the tree outside her room.

Using my upper body strength, I pulled myself up to the first thick branch, then climbed onto the others until I reached her window. I sat myself down on the branch and looked inside. Bella was lying on her bed, her back facing me. Was she asleep?

I knocked quietly on the glass, not wanting to alert her parents, who were probably asleep by now. She didn't stir, which most likely meant she was asleep…until I saw her small body shaking. She was…crying. Was that my doing or because of something that might've happened at the party?

The second knock was a little louder this time, and she suddenly looked over her shoulder. Her red eyes were glistening as they stared into mine in surprise. Her expression didn't take long to turn angry, and she went back to facing away.

"Bella, please open the window," I pleaded, and knocked again.

Her body rose from the bed, and she walked over to me. I observed her damp face as she pulled the latch and lifted the window only high enough to fit three fingers underneath.

"Get out of the tree and go home," she demanded haughtily. And with that, she slammed the window down, walked over to the light switch and flicked it off. In the darkness of her room, I could see her climbing back on her bed.

She'd shut me out. She was really mad at me, and I deserved it after abandoning her at the party like that. What was I thinking? Bella and I were supposed to stick together no matter what. I was supposed to take care of her.

My two minutes of rage, hurt, and jealousy might've caused me my friendship with the one person who understood me, who I shared common goals with.

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured her. "I'll just stay out in the tree until you let me in."

That didn't get her moving, so with a heavy sigh, I tried to make myself as comfortable as possible on this stupid branch that had twigs poking me in the ass.

It was probably around midnight, and I was sitting in a tree. How interesting would it be if someone were to drive past? I'd probably call the police if I were that person.

Fifteen minutes went by, and she was still lying in the same position. Maybe she really had fallen asleep. She moved onto her back, and I could see her dark eyes taking a quick glance at me.

"Bella," I moaned. I was getting tired and my ass was falling asleep. "I just want to apologize. Let me in."

She got up from the bed and walked to me. Did she change her mind? The window opened all the way this time, and she stepped to aside. I placed my feet and legs in first, and then moved my entire body inside.

When I stood straight and looked at her, her eyes were downcast and she was fiddling with the hem of her pajama top.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I started. "It was stupid of me to leave you behind."

She sniffled. "Why did you have to be so mean?" she questioned, her voice cracking. "Do you know how embarrassing it was for my mom to have to come down and pick me up?"

"Why didn't you just get a ride from someone?"

"Everyone was either high or drunk. Plus, _you_ were supposed to take me home."

I frowned. "I was angry at you," I admitted.

Another sniffle. "Well, go be angry somewhere else."

It hurt that she wanted me to leave, but she didn't sound completely convinced that was what she actually wanted. "I don't want to argue with you anymore," I said softly, and brushed my fingers down her wrist, feeling a strong urge to grab her hand. I didn't, though.

Her heartbreaking eyes lifted to mine, and I got lost in them. "I don't, either," she whispered. "We can't ruin our dream, Edward. We just can't."

I shook my head. "We won't."

She pouted, and suddenly, her arms were around my waist, and she was digging her face into my chest. I embraced her, my nose finding refuge in her soft hair. I'd never felt these feelings before—a combination of aching and happiness. It was foreign, but God…it made my stomach churn. I didn't understand it.

"I'm so tired," she spoke into my chest.

I momentarily tightened my arms around her, before I let her go. "Why don't you try to sleep?"

She nodded and crawled on the bed. "Lay with me, until I fall asleep?"

We lay side by side on her bed, our hands an inch apart from each other's. She fell asleep almost immediately, but I couldn't find the will to leave. I'd really felt like I almost lost her tonight, and now that we were okay again, I just couldn't imagine myself stepping out of this room yet. I still felt insecure.

Before I knew it, my eyes had shut, and I slipped into unconsciousness, her serene face being the last thing I saw.

"Edward."

"Hmm?" I questioned groggily, barely awake.

"Edward," a voice whispered in my ear, followed by a jab on my side.

My eyes flew open and saw Bella's face only an inch from mine. I instinctively jerked away, shocked at the nearness, and she frowned. Rubbing my eyes, I realized I was definitely awake.

"What happened?" I asked, my voice sounding unused.

"You fell asleep and stayed the night."

I looked over at the time on her nightstand. It was nine in the morning. With a groan, I ran my fingers through my hair and shifted a bit on the bed. I'd slept in my clothes, and they were uncomfortable.

A knock on her bedroom door caused our eyes to widen.

"Quick! Get in the closet," Bella whispered urgently, trying to push me off the bed with all her strength.

I obeyed and bolted from the bed. The closet door squeaked as I opened it, and I cringed. Once I was inside, I realized my heart was racing like I'd been running a damn marathon.

"Bella, are you awake?" I heard Mrs. Swan ask.

"Yes, come in," Bella answered.

I could hear the bedroom door open. "Good morning, sweetie. Just wanted to let you know I'll be leaving shortly. Your father's already down at the station."

"Okay," Bella replied hastily.

"Are you still upset with Edward?"

There was no response from Bella.

"Just don't shut him out," Mrs. Swan advised. "You'll regret it if you do. Whatever happened, you should talk it out."

"Okay."

"Alright, I'll see you a little later on."

The bedroom door closed, and soon, the closet door was opening and my eyes were adjusting to the morning light.

"Yeah, Bella. Don't shut me out," I teased with a smirk.

"Be quiet," she giggled, and pinched my side.

I rubbed the spot she pinched and stepped out of her closet. "I should probably go home," I said with a sigh, and turned to her warily. "Are we okay now?"

She nodded silently, appearing so innocent.

She looked like she'd just woken up, her face fresh and her hair a mess. My eyes were drawn to her pouty lips. I had the urge to press my mouth to them, just to know what it'd feel like to kiss her. I wondered what would happen if I did. Would she kiss me back?

What the hell was I thinking?

Shit, I needed to leave.

"Uh, alright, I'm going," I spoke frantically, and turned to her window.

"Edward," she breathed, causing me to stop and turn back to her. "You can just use the front door, you know. My mom left."

"Oh," I said lamely. "Right. Okay." I walked to the bedroom door and opened it.

"Thank you for coming last night. I'm glad you did."

I glanced over my shoulder, and she smiled, making me feel like goo. Damn this crush. "Me, too," I agreed. "I'll catch ya later."

I went back home, feeling rejuvenated. My dad's car was gone already, which meant he'd taken Alice to soccer practice. I felt bad I couldn't get some time alone with her to kick the ball back and forth, but I couldn't say I'd have traded my time with Bella to spend it with Alice.

I tried to make it to the stairs undetected, but my mom quickly came out of the kitchen, spotting me.

"Are you just getting back in right now?" she asked, shocked.

I really didn't know how to properly answer her. Would it be best to lie? "Uh…yes?"

"Where were you?" she questioned, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I was just at Bella's, and I fell asleep by accident."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Honey, you know you shouldn't have done that."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like we were doing anything."

"I know that, but her mother and father don't, and you need to respect the rules of their house. They trust you, but that doesn't mean they want you in her room overnight."

I refrained from rolling my eyes again. Seriously, did they not understand Bella and me at all? Just because we were teenagers, didn't mean we'd be doing it in her room all night.

_Crap…bad thoughts. And in front of my mom, too. Great._

"Uh, yeah, alright. I'm going to my room," I said hastily, and made a dash for the stairs.

The rest of the day was spent lazing around the house. My mother and I crossed paths a few times, and I noticed her expression looking more and more worried.

It was around four in the afternoon that I realized Alice and Dad hadn't come back from soccer practice yet.

"Where are they?" I asked Mom.

"I don't know. I've been calling his phone since this morning, and he's not picking up." She looked panicked, and it unnerved me.

We stayed in each other's company after that, waiting patiently for any sign of them, but there was none. By six o'clock, it was clear that something went wrong. It just wasn't like Dad to be this late.

Mom had made dinner and set the table. We sat down and ate in thick silence, looking every so often at the two empty seats next to us.

When there was a knock on the door, my mother flew out of her chair, abandoning her food. I got up, as well, but a little more cautiously. Something didn't feel right, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

I walked into the living room, seeing a tall man in a police uniform standing in front of my mom. He had a walkie-talkie strapped to his shoulder, which had voices coming from it almost every second. He turned the sound off.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your evening, ma'am," he spoke softly.

"Mom?" I asked, worried.

"Oh, please. Just tell me what happened," she pleaded.

"There was a car accident—it was a head-on collision," the officer explained.

My mom's hands flew up to her mouth in horror. "My daughter, is she okay?" she asked in a choked breath.

"She's down at the hospital, getting checked out. Barely a scratch on her from the looks of it."

Mom looked noticeably calmer, but that didn't last long. "My…husband…?"

The officer sighed, taking his time to reply. "I'm afraid there was nothing that could be done—"

My mom didn't give him a chance to finish before she broke down, mournful sobs shaking her body. I was helpless to move, frozen in my spot. I stared blankly at the ground, my eyes blurring over. This was a dream…this just had to be.

* * *

**A/N: **

**I'm sorry, everyone. Losing a loved one is an awful experience. I wish none of us would ever have to go through it, but unfortunately, we do. So, how do you think Edward and his family will handle this?  
**

**Some good news. I've decided on a schedule that I think you'll like. I'll be updating every Tuesdays and Fridays until completion.**

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


	3. Grief

**A/N: **

**Here's the aftermath.**

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER THREE  
*GRIEF***

The funeral service had been the roughest hour of my entire life. I was completely disconnected, yet somewhere deep within me, I felt it all. My outer strength was an act, put on for my mother, and for my baby sister, who was absolutely terrified and hadn't spoken a word to anyone since the night of the accident—not even me.

The reception had quite a few people, mostly co-workers from the hospital my father had worked at as a physician. My mom was quiet, speaking a word or two to those that initiated conversation with her, but mostly looking lost in her head, her eyes completely spaced out.

I walked across the living room, avoiding the pitiful looks people were casting me. Why were we having this dumb reception? No one cared. No one understood.

When I reached the window, I looked out, seeing Alice sitting on the front lawn as she ripped up grass from their roots one-by-one.

There was a delicate hand on my back, causing me to shiver. Bella stood by my side, observing where my line of sight was through the window.

"How are you holding up?" she asked softly.

"I'm okay," I assured.

She sighed and dropped her hand. "I'm worried about you. You've been extremely calm this whole day.

I shrugged and continued staring out the window. "Someone has to be."

Her hand was on my lower back again, making small, soothing circles. "Edward," she started sadly, "I'm really—"

"Sorry?" I finished, and turned my head to glare at her. "You're sorry?"

She frowned. "Well, I—"

"Bella," I said, cutting her off, "after this reception, you and all these people are going to go home, enjoy your family, maybe laugh and have some good times. But I have deal with the effects of my father's death _forever_. So, please, don't tell me you're sorry. Just…don't." With that, I moved away from her and pulled open the front door.

Stepping outside, a light breeze cooled me. Alice was still in the same spot, plucking one grass at a time. If she was aware of my presence, she made no indication. I sat down directly in front of her and helped her uproot grass.

"There's some food inside, if you're hungry," I offered.

She watched her actions as she split a piece of grass.

I wanted to help her, to do anything and everything in my power to get her to be happy, but I knew nothing would work. Usually, in a situation when she was down, I'd offer to kick the soccer ball back and forth to lift her spirits; however, Alice and Dad had been driving home from her soccer practice when they crashed, so I didn't even want to suggest it.

"Are you just gonna stay out here?" I questioned.

Still no response.

With a defeated sigh, I stood and watched her for a few more seconds before I went back inside the house.

Several people were starting to leave, thank God. Instead of having to deal with them, I decided to go up to my room and lock myself inside until everyone left. But when I got there, I was surprised to find Bella sitting against the headboard of my bed with her forehead resting on her drawn up knees. Her small frame was shaking.

Slowly, I walked to the bed and sat next to her. Her hair was shielding her face from me. Instinctively, I moved it out of the way and tucked it behind her ear. I knew she was aware of my presence, but she didn't want me to see her, so I gently grabbed a hold of her arms and brought her to me. She came easily, and I held onto her tightly, my fingers digging into her back and my nose pressing into her soft neck.

Even though I was the one comforting her, the effects of this hug warmed me. I felt secure with her arms wrapped around my neck.

She pulled back, her tear filled eyes looking directly into mine. "You think I don't feel anything, and that everything will just go back to normal for me? Well, it won't," she said through sobs. "Maybe all those people downstairs will go home and forget about today, but he was like a second father to me. Your family is my family. And it hurts when you imply that I don't care, because I _do_."

I dropped my forehead to her shoulder, trying to contain my emotions as best as I could. It was getting harder and harder by the second. "I'm sorry," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. "I'm so sorry."

Her fingers wound into my hair, stroking my scalp languidly. It calmed me. "Now who's saying sorry?" she asked, and chuckled lightly, causing me to smile weakly. "I wanna be here for you, Edward. Let me be here for you."

I nodded against her. Bella was my only bright spot right now, and I wanted to ignore everything and keep it that way forever.

X-X-X-X

Later that night, the house was quiet. Alice was up in her room, and my mother was finishing cleaning the dishes. Since my father's accident, she liked to clean…a lot. I offered to help, but she turned me down, so I sat in the living room quietly, listening to the clanking of the dishes echo from the kitchen.

When she finally came out, she walked right by me and went up the stairs.

"Mom?" I asked, worried.

There was no response, so I got up and followed after her. She walked down the hall of the second floor and passed right by Alice's room without checking on her, like she normally would.

"Mom," I called again, just as she reached the door to her bedroom.

She froze and turned around, her expression completely lifeless. "Do me a favor," she spoke in a rasp, "take care of your sister tonight." She slowly disappeared into her room, locking the door.

She was doing this a lot more—holing herself up in her bedroom. I didn't know what to do. She was my mom…she was supposed to be the one in control, not me.

I turned, and my eyes instantly aligned with one beady, little eye. Half of Alice's body was shrouded by the doorway of her bedroom. Her bottom lip quivered, and she quickly spun around, running back inside.

That was the most acknowledgment I'd seen her give me since the accident, and because my mom wasn't in the right place to deal with Alice's emotions, I'd have to do it. It scared the shit out of me, though.

I found her on the floor, lying on her stomach as she moved a marker over a page in a coloring book. I sat down next to her, grabbed a marker, and began coloring the page next to the one that occupied her attention.

We did this in silence for nearly ten minutes, until her movements slowed to a stop. She set down her marker and spoke something so quietly, I couldn't hear her.

I froze. "What?" I questioned softly, not wanting to alarm her at how shocked I was that she spoke.

"I want Daddy," she said.

I sighed. "Dad's not here, Ali."

"I want Daddy," she repeated again, tears beginning to slip from her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

She broke down, choking sobs, and suddenly grabbed the coloring book. She threw it as hard as she could across the room and collapsed on her stomach. Her arms wrapped around her head as she cried heavily.

I stood, needing to get out of here. This was too much for me. I couldn't handle it. I only made it just out of the doorway before I heard her muffled voice.

"Daddy always lets me drive, and he said I could. I didn't mean to make it crash…" Her loud sobs replaced her words.

I remained still, letting what I heard sink in. The officer had said the car had crashed because of a momentary lapse in judgment on his part. Now, Alice had all but admitted that Dad had let her drive, and she'd crashed into another car.

I was angry, devastated, and remorseful all at the same time. I wanted to shake her and tell her, "See? This is because you always have to have your way!" But there was another part of me that just wanted to bring her to me and tell her it wasn't her fault, that she was young and it was a mistake.

I couldn't do either.

I walked down the hall to my room, the sounds of my sister's wails in one ear, and my mother's soft sobs in my other. When I locked myself inside, I could only hear my uneven breaths.

X-X-X-X

A week had passed, and every day was the same. Mom would clean the house and lock herself in her room, while Alice would quietly play with her toys, barely saying a word. I spent a lot of my time either in my room or with Bella.

She was like my own personal angel, knowing exactly what I needed by distracting me. We'd drive around our neighborhood or switch it up by going down to La Push to sit on the beach. She never pushed me once to talk about my father, Alice, or my mom, and for that, I was grateful.

I felt awful not telling her what was happening to my family, but I just couldn't face it all. It was so hard to think about it on my own, let alone tell my best friend about it.

One morning, after I woke up and got changed, I went into Alice's room to check on her. She was sitting on the floor, still dressed in her pajamas as she combed one of her Barbie's long hair with a small, plastic brush. She hadn't played with Barbies in about a year.

"Did Mom come in and help you pick out an outfit to wear?" I asked.

She shook her head wordlessly, not looking up at me as she continued grooming the Barbie.

"Do you want me to help you?" I offered.

She shook her head again.

I sighed. "Are you hungry?"

She nodded.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Cookies," she murmured.

I furrowed my brow. "No, Alice. It's ten o'clock in the morning."

She finally looked up at me, her eyes glistening in defiance. "I want cookies."

"I said no. You can have pancakes, if you want."

Her lower lip jutted out, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't want pancakes. I want cookies."

I clenched my jaw, my temper flaring as it normally would when she'd turn into this spoiled brat. "For the last time, _NO!_" I realized I was yelling at her, so I quickly lowered my volume. "You can either have the pancakes or you can have nothing at all."

She suddenly stood, threw the Barbie at me as hard as she could, and ran to her bed. She threw herself on it, crying like it was the end of the world.

I wanted to pound my fist into the wall. Why did my dad have to spoil her so fucking much? She was a monster!

This wasn't my job, though. I didn't need to deal with her stupid temper tantrums. So, I left, shutting her in her room, and then walked down the stairs. Even from the first floor, I could hear her crying.

In the kitchen, my mom was placing something on a large baking sheet. Was that cookie dough?

"What are you doing?" I questioned, confused.

"I'm making cookies for Alice," she muttered, rolling pre-made dough into small balls and setting them on the sheet. She picked it up and went to the oven, setting it inside and shutting the door.

I gave her an incredulous look. "It's breakfast, Mom."

She didn't seem to register I'd said anything. "When the cookies look done, place them out to cool for ten minutes, at least," she said, and moved past me, exiting the kitchen.

I was really getting pissed now. What the fucking hell was wrong with this house?

I stormed after her and caught her on the path to the laundry room.

"Mom, what's wrong with you?" I asked angrily. "You never give into Alice's demands."

She stopped and spun around, her eyes seething into mine. "She wants the cookies, so give her the damn cookies," she spoke venomously. Her eyes suddenly softened significantly, turning pained. "Just, please, give her the cookies."

I didn't say a word as I watched her walk away. After a long moment, I went back into the kitchen, waiting for the cookies to be ready.

Once they cooled, I placed them on a plate and made my way through the house, toward the staircase. Just as I was about to go up, there was a knock on the front door. I looked around, wondering if my mom would answer it, but she hadn't bothered to come out, so I answered. Seeing Bella standing in front of me was a sight for sore eyes, briefly distracting me from the emotional hell in the house.

"Hey," she greeted with a sad smile.

"Hey," I replied.

She looked down at the plate I was holding. "Cookies…what's the occasion?"

I sighed. "Alice wanted them."

She nodded slowly. "Ah…"

"I'm sorry…I can't really hang out right now."

She emitted a small, warming smile, even though she was probably upset. "That's fine. What if I just come in today, instead of us going out?"

"Uh…" I spoke warily. Between my mom's zombie-ish behavior and Alice's temper tantrums, I didn't think that was a good idea. "I don't know, Bella."

"I'd like to see Alice," she admitted.

I scratched the back of my neck. Right now, I was really in no mood to deny anyone. "Okay," I agreed, and moved to let her pass.

I followed behind her as she walked up the stairs. Alice was back on the floor, playing with her Barbies.

"Hey, kiddo," Bella greeted, and sat down next to her.

I set the cookies on the bed, so that Alice could take one. She glanced at them before her eyes went to Bella.

"Hi," she responded softly.

"You have a very pretty Barbie," Bella complimented, and chuckled. "Why is she naked?"

The corners of my mouth tugged up slightly, and I took a seat on the edge of the bed.

"I took off her clothes." Alice's voice was gravelly, most likely from all the crying.

"She'll get cold like that," Bella said, and reached for a plastic case that held all of the Barbie clothes. She dug her hand inside and started removing different outfits. "What about this one?" She held up a tiny fur coat with a pair of small jeans.

"That's for winter."

Bella took out another outfit, this time, a bikini top and small denim shorts. "How about this for summer?"

Alice took the outfit silently and began putting the clothes on her Barbie. Bella looked at me with a soft smile, which I mirrored. She'd managed to make Alice forget all about the cookies that were now well on their way to being stone cold.

They continued to play together, and I sat quietly on the bed, watching Bella.

X-X-X-X

As the weeks of summer flew by, things started looking up. The shock of my father's death had finally worn off and acceptance began to flood into the household. As a result, I felt I could breathe easier with each day.

Mom and Alice were finally speaking to each other a little more, and there wasn't as much tension. Alice was still quiet, overall, but talked when she was directly spoken to. It was a start, if anything. Mom, on the other hand, spent less time in her room, but continued to fill her days with cleaning. It almost seemed like she was keeping herself busy on purpose.

I'd finally opened up to Bella about my feelings towards my father's death and the effects of it all. She listened intently as I spewed hateful words about him leaving us to fend for ourselves, and how much it wounded our family. We'd never be the same again, all because he'd let Alice steer the wheel.

It was wrong of me to be angry, but I couldn't help it. I'd kept my emotions bottled up after the funeral, and I never had an opportunity to release them with my family sinking into a depression. But Bella helped me calm down, and she soothed me with her whispered words and hands in my hair when she'd hug me.

She was the reason I was even waking up anymore. I wanted to be around her all the time—night and day—just so she could tell me things would be alright, when I knew they wouldn't. I wanted to believe her words desperately, and in her presence, I really did, but as soon as I went back in my house, the optimism vanished, because even though things were starting to improve, they would never be as they were before. My father had unknowingly been the glue that held our family together. How could we survive without him?

"Can I ask you something?" Bella asked as we lay on Alice's trampoline in my backyard, staring up at the partially cloudy, blue sky.

"Yeah," I responded. There was a cloud that I was trying to decipher whether it looked like a duck or a rabbit.

"Do you still…think about it?"

I turned my head to her with a furrowed brow. "About what?"

She seemed wary. "About our dream."

I frowned and looked back to the sky. I didn't know what to say to her. The honest truth was that I hadn't thought once about it since the night that officer showed up at our door.

"I understand you not thinking about it, and I haven't really, either, but I just wanted to know if you still want to go," she spoke quietly.

"Do you still want to go?" I questioned.

She flipped on her side, facing me. "I was asking you."

We were still in summer, and our plans had centered around leaving some time in the fall. Even though I couldn't see myself leaving now, could things be better by that time? I could really see myself leaving then. My mother and sister would be okay, I was sure. And I needed to get out of here badly. My mind and body yearned to just be as far away from here as possible.

"I still want to go," I admitted earnestly.

"Me, too," she whispered with a smile.

I didn't return the smile. "But I can't leave for a while."

She shook her head. "No, we'll go in the fall, like we planned." I suddenly felt her fingers lacing between mine, and my hand tingled. "Your family comes first. Let's not even bring it up again until the end of the summer."

I nodded, but my thoughts weren't on LA right now or even my family. Instead, they were on the fact that Bella was holding my hand, and I was liking it in a way I never thought I would with her.

Our hands remained clasped together for the rest of our time on the trampoline, and that was all that mattered then.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Everyone is handling Carlisle's death differently. Poor Edward is taking on a lot, suf****fering in silence****. Don't blame his mom for being distant toward her kids. She lost the love of her life tragically. It's a very different reaction as opposed to losing a parent. Not that one is worse than the other. It's just different emotions involved. **

**Yes, Alice was the cause of the accident. I'm impressed many of you got that straight away; though, I'll admit, I foreshadowed it.  
**

**The wonderful Sunfeathers is too good to m****e**** and started a thread for this story. If you feel so inclined, please stop by and share your thoughts. I'll post teasers in between chapters if enough people stop by. The link is on my profile. **

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


	4. Relapse

**A/N: **

**Remember that Alice is nine years old and her behavior is a result of being indulged. Technically, the accident was her fault, but she can't be blamed. As for Carlisle, he's just one of those parents that spoil out of love. He should've known better, but he didn't, and the effects were catastrophic. **

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER FOUR  
*RELAPSE***

The end of the summer finally came, and Bella and I discussed our plans to go to LA, which were still in effect. We talked to her parents, and they were okay with her leaving. I hadn't told my mother yet that I still planned on going. I was delaying the conversation, because I wasn't sure how she'd react.

Although my mother seemed like she'd possibly be okay with it, I wasn't sure about my sister. She was beginning to stick to me like glue lately, for reasons I wasn't sure of. Everywhere I was in the house, she'd be, too. I'd eat—she'd eat. I'd watch television—she'd watch television. I had to draw the line at going into my bathroom; otherwise, she'd want to follow me in there, as well. At least her temper tantrums had begun to dwindle down. I didn't think I could handle anymore of those.

"Are you sure about this? Maybe I should talk to her alone," I said to Bella as we walked up the driveway of my house and to the front door.

"We talked to my parents together, so we should do the same with your mom," she reasoned.

We both paused at the door. "Yeah, but what if she gets upset?" I questioned. That was the last thing I wanted.

"She won't. She's going to be fine," Bella assured, and opened the door. "Come on."

My mother was in the kitchen, cooking dinner on the stove, when we entered. She hadn't noticed we were there, until Bella cleared her throat.

Mom turned around and looked surprised to see who I brought with me. "Oh, hello, Bella," she greeted, unusually happy.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen. What are you cooking?" Bella questioned.

"Just a stew," she answered, and eyed the both of us. "Is there something you two need?"

Bella elbowed me in the side. Damn…I guess that meant I had to do the talking. "I—We wanted to speak to you about something," I spoke warily.

"What is it?" Mom asked, her brow furrowing.

"Remember that whole LA thing?" I inquired, and she nodded. "It's the end of summer now, and…well, we still would like to go."

She remained unmoving, and it was starting to get uncomfortably quiet, until she finally emitted a small smile. "Of course. I forgot. When will you two be leaving?"

That was it? She was okay with it? It just didn't seem like it could be that easy. I almost hated myself for wanting to go, when I knew my mother and sister would be left behind.

"We were thinking in two weeks," Bella spoke, when I didn't offer an answer. "We'll be staying with my aunt in Burbank, which is where all the television and movie studios are. My cousins, Kate and Irina, will be there, too, but they go to college during the day."

"Well, that sounds wonderful," Mom said cheerily. "You both will have the best time. I haven't been to Los Angeles in years, but there's so much to do there, from what I remember."

"We'll make sure to take lots of pictures to send to you," Bella offered.

"Oh, I'd love that," my mom said, and regarded me. "Remember that account your father opened? Please don't go blowing the money all in one shot."

I tensed at the mention of my father. This was the first time in months she was bringing him up. I felt Bella's fingertips brushing against my hand that was stiff against my side, and I calmed instantly.

"Yeah, no problem," I assured.

"I'll be starting work as a receptionist soon, so I hope I can be around to see you off."

I raised an eyebrow. "Work?" I questioned. Mom didn't work. Dad worked.

"Someone needs to pay the bills, Edward."

Although Dad's last will and testament was modest, considering we weren't rich, I figured we could last a while. Perhaps, on some level, this was just another way for her to busy herself. "But what about Alice?" I inquired.

"She'll be in school, and I'll have to hire a babysitter to pick her up and take care of her until I get home."

A crease formed in my brow. She couldn't do that. Alice needed family around her, because she was still so fragile. There was no way she could cope with me gone and my father gone. How on earth would she handle my mother's absence, too?

Mom returned to her cooking, and Bella and I went back outside. It was evident she was excited as she told me what she was packing, but I couldn't have been more terrified. It was the first time since we hatched this plan that I even doubted going.

X-X-X-X

She was just a nine year old. I'd leave, she'd forget about me, make some new friends at school, and all would be fine. That was a good thing, yet I was still worried.

It was the next night when I decided to face Alice head-on. She was watching some cartoon on TV with the remote glued to her hand. I sat down next to her and waited for a commercial break to tell her the news.

Finally, there was one, so I grabbed the remote from her hold and turned down the volume.

"Hey, I was watching that," she whined.

"I need to talk to you for a bit, and then you can go back to your show."

She pouted for a split second before angling her body to me. "Okay."

I sighed and set the remote down between us. "You know I love you, right?" I'd never said it nearly enough to her, but I did. She was my baby sister, and it was breaking my heart to even consider leaving her, but I'd been planning this for so long.

"Yes," she spoke quietly, and I wondered if she knew instinctively what I was going to say.

"Remember a while ago, Bella and I talked about leaving once summer was done?" I questioned, and she nodded, her eyes unblinking. "Well, summer's over now."

"You're leaving?" she asked, her voice quivering slightly.

"Yes, in two weeks."

"I don't want you to go," she whispered, her lips forming a pout. This was exactly what I feared. I knew she'd react this way.

"Ali, I've been planning this for a while. You know that."

"Yeah, but I don't want you to go." Tears were welling up in her eyes, threatening to spill over, and I felt myself slowly wearing thin.

"You'll be fine. You're gonna be starting school soon, and you're going to have all your friends," I assured. "And, hey, you'll have Mom."

She shook her head fervently. "I don't want Mom," she choked, full-on sobbing now.

"Alice," I sighed, trying to find the strength to continue. "She loves you."

"I don't want her!" she yelled, and wrapped her arms around me in a death grip. "Please don't go. I'll be good and I won't ask to drive again. Don't leave me."

I hugged her small body to me. "Mom is—"

"NO!" she shouted, and stood up abruptly. "I don't want Mom! I want Dad! I hate her, and I wish she'd died instead of him!"

"Alice," I growled, angry and stunned by her words.

She quickly ran away and up the stairs. I remained frozen in my place on the couch, staring after her. It was then, out of the corner of my eye, that I saw my mother standing at the entrance of the living room. Her face was gaunt and pale. She'd heard everything.

"Mom...," I started, but was unsure what to say after that.

She ignored me and walked directly into the kitchen. A second later, I heard her choked sobs echoing throughout the house.

It was like the night of Dad's funeral all over again. I was sure Mom and Alice's relationship had been improving, but now, it was clear that it hadn't. Was this how it would be? Would they even speak to each other? If my mother ever found out about Alice's part in the accident, I feared their relationship would be damaged beyond repair, which was why she could never find out. As it was, she barely seemed capable of handling Alice, who didn't want anything to do with her.

Then I realized that the reason they'd been okay around each other lately was because of me. _I'd_ made sure they spoke to one another, and _I'd_ reminded Mom that she needed to give Alice attention. If I hadn't had done any of that, where would they have been now? Alice would've most likely been neglected and Mom might've sunk further into a depression.

I couldn't leave them.

There was no way I could without causing more damage. And how selfish was it of me to even consider leaving, when my family was so broken? I was cruel and didn't deserve to have my dream. But now…no more selfishness.

There was only one thing currently that was plaguing my mind—how was I going to tell Bella?

X-X-X-X

"I'm sorry," I told her.

She remained looking down, not uttering a word.

I'd told Bella that I couldn't go to LA anymore, because my family needed me. I'd pondered for an entire day how to tell her, but I'd finally just decided to speak the truth. I couldn't read her right now. She was too quiet. It scared me.

She finally looked up at me with a sad smile. "I had a feeling…" she spoke softly. "It just all seemed too good to be true."

I was crushing her dream. Again, I was being selfish, because I hadn't even considered whether she'd still want to go after I told her. "Bella, if you want to go, then—"

"No," she interrupted resolutely. "Don't even say it. I'm not leaving you. We're in this together. We always have been."

Something about what she said spiked happiness in me. Would she actually stay with me? Would I let her? I didn't think I could handle someone else in my life leaving—especially not Bella. She was…she was everything to me.

No…it was better she was staying. We were a team.

I took hold of her hand, lacing my fingers between hers. I liked how they fit with mine.

She sighed heavily and glanced away. "We'll just stay here…"

I wasn't sure if I sensed bitterness in her tone or not, but I was too content about how she took the news that nothing else seemed to matter. Now that she was staying with me, I could have my best friend as well as be there for my family. It wasn't how I'd originally thought my life would go, but I couldn't dwell on that. Sometimes, life threw a curve ball, and that was just the way it was.

As the next several weeks went by, Mom started her job, and I took over caring for Alice, instead of a babysitter doing the work. This meant I took her to school, picked her up, helped her out with her homework, and we hung out until our mother came home.

Mom had been surprised when I said I wasn't going to LA, and she tried to convince me to go, but I told her that making sure Alice was okay was my priority. She didn't argue with me about it anymore.

Alice and Mom weren't even conversing, except at the dinner table and perhaps right before bed. They just seemed so disconnected from each other. It was painful to watch, and I had no idea how to fix it, but I made it my goal to figure out a way.

With all the time spent focused on Alice, I barely had enough time to see Bella as much as I used to. But when I would, it was like I could breathe again. She made me forget about all the shit in my life.

She and I watched as our school friends packed and went off to college. It was hard seeing them go away when we couldn't. Somehow, she managed a smile when she was around me, but deep down, I felt like she was unhappy. It was sort of getting to me more and more each day.

It wasn't until one night when I called her to come over to my house that I realized just how unhappy she was.

She answered on the third ring, her voice sounding drained. "Hello?"

"Hey…" I greeted warily. "Everything okay?"

"Yep," she spoke stoically, and went silent.

"Um…alright. Well, Mom is making quesadillas tonight, and I wondered if you'd like to come over."

"I'm not really hungry."

"You can still come over, though."

She sighed. "I'm kinda tired."

I frowned. In all the years I'd known her, she'd never turned down coming to my house. "Okay…"

"I'll talk to you tomorrow. Night."

"Wait," I urged, surprised at how quickly she was brushing me off. "Why are you acting weird?"

"I'm not acting weird."

"Yes, you are. Did something happen? Are you mad at me?"

"No," she said, sounding frustrated. "I'm not mad at you. It's just…" She paused. "I don't know…"

"Bella, we tell each other everything. What is it?"

I could hear her exhale on the other line. "My parents are breathing down my neck. They said if I'm not going to LA, then I have to go to a college here."

I instantly felt stabs of guilt. Her parents were hassling her because I'd ruined our plans and stopped us from going. I knew the last place Bella wanted to go was a college in Washington. The whole point of going to California was to get _out _of Washington, and now we were both stuck here.

"What are you gonna do?" I asked, terrified to know the answer.

I heard her sniffle on the other line. "I don't know," she whispered. "I just wish everything could go back to how it was."

My heart sunk to the very depths of my stomach. I couldn't even form words to respond to that.

"I need to go. I need to think," she said. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Alright," I agreed somberly, and we both hung up.

I stayed awake most of the night, lost in my thoughts. When Bella had decided to stay with me, all I could think was how happy it made me, but I never stopped to consider whether she'd be happy. It was clear that she wouldn't. Her heart was in LA, but her body was here. I felt the same way, but there was absolutely nothing I could ever do about it, because my path to be with my family was set in stone now.

But hers wasn't.

She wasn't obligated to stay here. She could go any time she wanted. Tomorrow, she could get on a plane and be exactly where she dreamed of going. God, I envied her. Why wouldn't she do that if she could? Why stay here with me? Yes, we were friends, and we always promised to stick together, but as her friend, I wanted her to be happy. I wanted to see her truly smile and live a full life. If that meant being away from me…so be it.

Now thinking about it, it had been extremely selfish of me to want her to stay. What had I been thinking? That she'd hang out with me anytime I wasn't tending to Alice? How long would that have lasted?

Shit, I was so stupid.

It killed me to even do this, but it was evident now that I couldn't hold her to me. I had to let her be who she was destined to be, whoever that was. The spark Bella had was too special to only be seen by me. As much as I savored it and wished for it daily, I knew that she wouldn't truly shine unless she was where she wanted to be. And that wasn't with me anymore.

I had to let her go.

X-X-X-X

The next morning, I had trouble getting out of bed, knowing what I had to do. It was like there was a heavy weight on my chest. Half of me was screaming for me not to do this, while the other was telling me it was for the best, and she'd be grateful for it in the long run.

Knowing that, I managed to get out of bed and get changed. Mom was already at her job, and I had to take Alice to school.

This school year wasn't fairing so well for her. She wasn't as bubbly as she was before, and people were noticing. I hoped she'd grow out of that soon, so she wouldn't lose her friendships.

When I arrived home, instead of going into the empty house, I went straight to Bella's. It took all my energy to knock on that door, but I did. Mrs. Swan answered and asked how my mother and sister were before she called Bella.

When Bella approached, she gave me a cautious smile and stepped out of the house. We went for a walk down the street.

"Did I catch you at a bad time?" I asked. My nerves were kicking into high gear, but I hoped it didn't reflect in my voice.

"No, I was just in my room," she spoke, her voice sounding small. She suddenly sighed. "Listen...about last night. I'm sorry I was so emo. I was just…I don't know…I was coming to terms with some things. I hope I didn't worry you."

"No, I wasn't worried." _Devastated, yes._

"Good. Anyway, I'm okay now.

Just okay. Around me, she'd never be great, not even good, she'd just be _okay_.

"There's something I need to say," I began with a confident determination, and stopped walking to look at her when I spoke. I was doing this for her. "And before you go and shoot it down, just hear me out." I waited for her to respond, but thankfully, she didn't. "You should go to LA."

"But—"

"No," I interrupted, aggravated. _I told her not to shoot it down!_ "Bella, I'm not going anywhere…_ever_. I don't think you understand that."

"But, Edward, it's not always going to be like this. Yeah, you might not go anywhere _now_, but what about in a year or two, or even three? You won't always be here."

Was that what she thought? That we'd stay here for a little while longer and then just shoot off to LA without looking back? She really wasn't comprehending this.

"My mom just started working, and I'm taking Alice to school, picking her up, and essentially doing things that my parents should be doing for her. She's struggling in school, and I have no clue when she'll finally get over her depression and sudden mood swings. Not to mention, she hates my mom and won't even give her the time of day." I sighed, defeated. "They both need me, Bella. Now, in a few years, and for the rest of their lives. I can't be that selfish guy I was before and run off to some city to have fun. I just can't."

"I get that," she said empathetically. "That's why I'm staying here."

I chuckled mirthlessly. "You're barely eighteen. You've got your whole life ahead of you. You're really just going to sit here and hang around with me?"

"We stick together," she spoke, repeating our mantra. "We can just go to school in Seattle."

I shook my head, because she still didn't understand. "I'm not leaving _Forks_. I'm not stepping a foot away from my sister and my mother. Do you understand me?" My tone sounded harsh, but I needed her to get it.

Her eyes dropped to the ground. She got it. "Why are you trying to push me away?" she asked quietly.

I wanted to tell her I wasn't pushing her away, but that was exactly what I was doing. I wanted a better life for her. "You belong in LA. And I belong here." I could feel my throat constrict.

Her expression crumbled. "I belong wherever you are."

I swallowed thickly, wishing those words could be true. "You don't."

"No," she whispered, her eyes clouding over.

I couldn't stand here and watch her cry. I just couldn't. So, I backed up and turned around, walking toward my house.

"No!" she yelled, and suddenly, I was pushed forward harshly.

I stumbled to catch my balance and spun around, glaring at her. She'd just pushed me!

"You're ruining our dream!" she shouted. Her eyes swam with desperation and fury. I couldn't tell which one she was feeling more.

Incensed, I grabbed her upper arms. "The dream was ruined when my father died," I spat viciously. "Accept it and just go." With that, I released her and jogged back to the house, needing to get away from her as fast as I could. I could hear her sobs fading further and further away, and with every step I took, distancing myself from her, I felt empty.

* * *

**A/N:**

**W****ell, Edward sort of snapped there. Will he fix it or is that it? **

**I'm going to try to updat****e this Friday. It's my birthday tomorro****w ****and I'm curr****ently out of town, so it might b****e difficult, but I'll giv****e it my b****est ****effort! **

**Twitt****er: xrxdanixrx  
**


	5. Split

**A/N: **

**Thank you for the birthday wishes! I'm about to explode from all the Princess Cake I've been eating. Marzipan is sickening, but I don't even care. **

**Let's talk a little bit about therapy for the family, since that seems to be a hot topic in my reviews. I'm fairly adamant in not liking therapy in fan fiction. Within a plot (not real life), I think it's a major cop out as far as resolving charact****er** **issues goes. If it was the answer to everything, then all fan fiction Edwards would be going to therapy. And the fact is, not ****every**** grieving family utilizes therapy. So, love it or hate it, I won't be going that route. They will combat their issues through their own **_**free **_**means. **

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx, who said this is pretty sad. You can do it!

* * *

**

**CHAPTER FIVE  
*SPLIT***

When I really thought about it, the way I left things with Bella was wrong. I didn't want to shove her to LA; I wanted her to realize on her own that leaving was for the best. By me being mean to her, that was defeating the purpose. It all needed to be on her terms, with me by her side, right up until she'd leave. I didn't think I could stand to have it any other way.

That was how I found myself at Bella's front door the next afternoon. When the door opened, I swallowed hard.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Swan," I greeted.

He had a scrutinizing eyebrow arched. "Edward," he acknowledged dryly.

"Um, is Bella here?"

"She's here, but you don't get to see her after making her cry yesterday, so you just go on home."

Crap. He was pissed. "I came here to apologize to her. It'll only take two minutes," I explained, and waited for him to respond. He was assessing me. "Please."

Though he appeared reluctant, he took a slow step back. "Two minutes. Head on up."

I walked by him quickly and jogged up the stairs to her bedroom. I pushed open the door and frowned. She was lying on the bed, on her side, her vacant eyes rimmed with red, her nose pink and raw, as if she'd spent a lot of time crying. She glanced at me almost immediately without expression, but said nothing and made no movement.

After closing the door behind me, I crawled onto the bed and faced her as I lay down. Her eyes dropped, and it hurt that it was my doing that she couldn't even look at me.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you," I spoke softly, trying to show her I wasn't angry anymore, but she kept her eyes down. "I'm sorry I made you cry."

She sniffled and brought the back of her hand up to rub her nose. "I don't understand you," she whispered.

I picked at the blanket between us out of security. I didn't understand anything these days, let alone myself. "I was just frustrated," I admitted, and finally, her glistening eyes found mine. Lately, all I wanted to do was stare into them, but right now, I was having a hard time. "I don't take back what I said about you leaving, though."

There was no physical response from her, not even a blink. "It's like you're trying to get rid of me."

"I'm not," I assured. Not anymore, at least, since it needed to be something she decided. There was nothing I wanted more than for her to stay, but that wasn't in her best interest. "Admit you want to go to LA. I _know_ you do."

"But you do, too."

"It doesn't matter what I want."

"Yes, it does," she spoke, her tone rising.

I sighed and flipped on my back, my sight transfixed one the ceiling. "The fact is I'm not leaving, regardless of what I want. I can't leave…but_ you_ can." I turned my head to her. "Bella, you can go, and you can live our dream. You can do what we've always talked about doing. Why wouldn't you want to take advantage of that?"

She sat up, looking down on me. "Because you won't be there with me."

I understood now. She didn't want to go without me, and I was beginning to have doubts that I could convince her otherwise. But I wasn't going to give up. "I won't be there with you, but I'll be here," I said, and she furrowed her brow. Taking the initiative, I sat up so I was eye level with her. "You can email me, and we can talk on the phone any time you want."

Her expression was becoming more curious, and I knew I was winning.

"How about this," I continued in proposition, "you go to LA, enjoy it, and then at the end of a year, if you've had enough, you come back."

She tucked her hair behind her ear. "What if I would want to come home sooner?"

"Then you come home." As I said the words, I knew that would never come to pass. Once Bella got out of Forks, she most likely would never want to come home. Even though I was subtly pushing her away, the thought still hurt.

"And maybe you can come out and visit me sometime," she said vulnerably.

"Maybe." But it was highly doubtful.

"And…maybe we can talk every day. I won't have a cell phone, but I can take my laptop with me and bum off someone else's wireless."

Normally, I would laugh at her weak attempts at being a criminal, but I couldn't find it in me, so I feigned a smile. "Sounds good."

There was a knock at the door and it pushed open without waiting for an answer. Mr. Swan stood in the doorway, with his arms crossed, his thick mustache twitching in suspicion as he glowered at me.

"Two minutes are up," he said curtly.

"Dad…" Bella whined.

I got up from the bed. "It's okay. I gotta go check on Alice, anyway."

"You left her by herself in the house?" he asked sternly.

"Yes…" I said warily, now realizing my mistake in leaving her. This was exactly why I needed to stay behind. I couldn't let her out of my sight for one minute, just in case, and I seemed to still be so naïve about how to take care of someone younger. I never had to before.

"I'll call you later," Bella said.

I nodded and left. As I reached the front door to my house, I was already feeling the effects of losing her. How was I going to make it a year without her? What if she never came home? Could I spend the rest of my life never seeing her again? Before those thoughts could take over, I pushed them aside. There was a time to think about all of that, and the time wasn't now.

The next few weeks that went by, I managed to put on a contented face for Bella. It wasn't easy, but I had to do anything to show her all would be okay. So, I played the role of her best friend, helping her find a flight out to LA, letting her show me what she was packing, listening to her talk about all the things she wanted to do once she got there. She seemed so happy, and it was difficult for me to process that emotion, because I was far from it. She didn't know that, though, and she probably never would.

Aside from being a friend to Bella, I was also continuing to be a big brother and a dutiful son. Mom was coming home tired more and more lately, and I was learning how to cook so that she wouldn't have to worry about meals.

I pretty much just knew how to make eggs, toast, and perhaps pasta, but I went online and researched easy recipes, which helped me expand my repertoire.

In the days leading up to Bella's departure, all I wanted to do was hole myself up in my room, but Bella wanted to spend every second with me, and I certainly couldn't find it in my heart to say no, choosing to suffer in silence instead. Cracks began to form, and one day, she questioned if I was okay. She was so gentle, so sweet, and I found it incredibly sinful to lie to her. Of course, she believed me. After that, I tried extra hard not to give away my true feelings. This was about her. I needed her to leave for her own good.

Finally, the date of Bella's flight out to LA arrived. It was like I was on auto-pilot, going through the motions as I got ready to drive to the airport. My mind seemed to be turned off right now, and I was thankful.

"Edward," Alice called from the living room couch as I walked down the stairs. She quickly switched off the television and tossed the remote to the side. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to the airport to see Bella off, remember?" I reminded.

"I wanna go."

"No, Ali. You stay here with Mom."

She jutted out her bottom lip. "Bella's my friend, too. Please?"

More and more, I was having a hard time saying no to her. It was like I didn't have the strength anymore. "Alright, let's go."

She ran by me and started jogging up the stairs. "I'm gonna get my sticker book," she announced over her shoulder.

"Alice," I spoke sternly and a bit annoyed, causing her to halt on the top step. "We don't have time. Let's just go."

"_Daddy_ would've let me get my sticker book," she said sadly, her eyes dropping.

Oh, God. She was right. Dad would've let her get it. And did it really matter if she brought a silly sticker book? Why did I have to be such a damn tyrant sometimes? "Alright, go on," I relented, and watched as she ran off to her room.

When would I ever get the hang of this? It was selfish moments like this when I wished Dad was still here so that I didn't have to care. In my darkest moments at night, before I'd fall asleep, I would actually beg God to bring my father back to life, just so I could do whatever the hell I wanted again, but not too long after that, I'd become disgusted with myself. My family was suffering, and I should be praying he was alive so this family could be whole and happy again. What kind of a person did that make me?

As we went out to my car, I instantly caught sight of Bella placing her travel bags in the trunk of her parents' car, which was parked along the sidewalk outside their house

"Hey," I called out to her after Alice got into the backseat. "You're coming with me, right?" I was sure that was what we'd discussed.

"I think I'm going to go with my parents," she said, continuing to stuff a duffel bag into the trunk. "Dad was starting to choke up inside, so it's probably best if I spend some time with him."

Though I was hurt that she didn't want to spend her last moments with me, I nodded and got in my car. Perhaps it was better like this. I'd have to get used to her not being around me, anyway.

I drove behind the Swans the whole way to Sea-Tac, stopping when they'd stop, going when they'd go. I could see the back of Bella's head and wondered if that would be my last memory of her for a while.

At the airport, Alice and I waited out of the way while Bella and her parents handled the check-in. When that was done, we all walked her to the security point where we weren't allowed to cross.

She threw her faded orange backpack over her shoulder and stepped up to her mom and dad. They hugged, kissed her, and told her to call as soon as she arrived.

As she pulled away from her parents' embrace, her eyes went to mine. I smiled sadly, not even bothering to pretend I was happy for her. I wasn't in the least. Not right now.

Her steps to me caused my heartbeat to pick up, and for a moment, I stopped breathing. What was I going to say to her? I had worried so much about getting her to leave, that I hadn't thought about what would happen when it was actually time for her to go. Before I could even say one word, she bent down to Alice's level.

"Hey, kiddo," she spoke quietly, brushing her index finger down the bridge of Alice's nose in affection. "You're gonna be good for your mom and brother?"

"Yes," Alice replied automatically, and held out the booklet she brought with her. "I want you to have my sticker book."

Bella took it from her and flipped through the pages, which dawned soccer ball stickers. "This is so awesome. Thank you." She hugged Alice tightly and kissed the top of her head, lingering a bit. Finally, she straightened her spine and regarded me. She seemed happy these last few weeks, so when I watched her face crumble before me, I didn't know how to react. "Edward…" Tears began to fill her deep, brown eyes. "I didn't think this would be so difficult…"

I swallowed hard. How did I get here to this moment? The past few months seemed to be a blur as I stared at her somber face. "It's not," I assured. "You're gonna have a lot of fun, right?" When she didn't respond, I mustered a small smile for her sake. "For me?"

The corners of her mouth turned up slightly. "Yeah," she answered, and suddenly, her arms were wrapped around me and her body was pressed against mine. I enveloped her in my embrace, not able to stop myself and not wanting to. "You'll email me all the time."

I pressed my nose into the top of her head, closing my eyes and smelling the sweet scent of her soft hair. "All the time," I replied, getting lost in her and making me temporarily forget where I was.

"And you'll let me know every single detail about what you're doing."

I hugged her tighter to me. "Yeah," I said shakily. _Please don't forget me, Bella._ My worst fear was chanting over and over in my head.

She suddenly let out a muffled sob into my chest, causing me to worry. "I can't do this. I can't go."

I pulled back, seeing her fearful eyes. I cupped her face to soothe her. "Yes, you can. You're going to get on that plane, and you're going to go to California like you planned. This is your dream."

She sniffled and furrowed her brow. "Our dream."

I brought her back into me, not ready to let her go. If I could, I'd stay here forever with us like this, holding on to each other for dear life, stalling the inevitable.

Mr. Swan's blatant throat clearing caused us to pull away. Bella took a step back, wiped her nose with her sleeve, and secured her backpack straps around her shoulders. As she took steps backward, she blew a kiss to her parents, and then slowly brought her hand up to give me a small wave. I repeated the action halfheartedly and watched as she turned her back on us.

Her steps were tortuously slow, and I wanted to yell at her to hurry up as to spare me this torment, but at the same time, I was grateful for these last few moments of seeing her.

She got further and further away, and my stomach dropped. I hadn't prepared to feel so alone. What was I going to do without her? How would I go day to day without walking over to her house and stealing her away to hang out? How could I possibly bear not seeing her sweet face light up with laughter?

I got what I wanted. I pushed her away. But now, I wished I could take it all back. Deep down, I knew that was impossible. And I hated that there were parts of me that still only thought of myself.

She suddenly glanced over her shoulder, her bleary eyes finding mine, and in an instant, I felt so many different emotions at once. I felt sadness, anger, envy, but most of all, I felt something warm yet terrifying.

I felt…love.

I loved her. I was in love with her. The very notion of that didn't seem like some crazy, spontaneous thought. It was as if I'd always internally known that, but had just become aware of it right now. Perhaps I'd loved her from the start.

And now, knowing that, it practically killed me watching her finally disappear. The girl I loved was leaving me, and I'd all but pushed her.

There was a small tug on the leg of my jeans, causing my overwhelming thoughts to be interrupted. I glanced down to Alice.

"I've never seen you cry," she observed softly.

I brought the back of my hand up to my cheek and noticed it was moist. I was crying. I hadn't even done that at Dad's funeral.

Becoming aware again of Alice's presence allowed me to remember why I was still here and why Bella was boarding that plane. I held out my hand to my little sister, and she slipped her tiny fingers between mine.

"Ready to go?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

"Yeah," she answered softly. "Can we go to McDonalds?"

I let out a small chuckle. "Alright."

And that was what we did. Alice got the happy meal, and I watched as her face lit up when she found her toy. Though I spent the rest of the day tending to her, not once did Bella leave my thoughts. I wondered if she was happy right now, knowing she'd be in LA soon…and I wondered if it had been obvious just how much I loved her. Maybe not, because she was gone.

* * *

**A/N: **

**My apologies for the length. I've never posted this small a chapter, but considering the quick updates, I think it's okay. Plus, this was originally apart of the last chapter, but I cut it. **

**This fic is shifting now. You'll see what I mean next update. If you'd like an idea on what I'm talking about, review and I'll give you a teaser. **

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


	6. Bitter

**A/N:**

**I hope you all got your teaser. If you didn't, most likely you didn't sign in. **

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx. Thanks, ladies!

* * *

**

**CHAPTER SIX  
*BITTER***

**Beginning of Fall 2007**

I pulled up to the school and turned up the volume of the radio as I waited. I'd left work same time as usual, but traffic had been light, so I was here a few minutes early.

Today went the same as most days. Mike Newton would try to find ways to mess with me so I'd pick a fight with him and get fired. It sucked working for his family's sporting goods store, Newton's Olympic Outfitters, but it paid decent money, which was what I needed. Though, there were some days that I really wanted to punch him in the face. Mainly, when he'd try to push my buttons the only way he knew how.

Alice finally exited the front doors of the school, her eyes glued to her feet and her arms tightly hugging her books. I sighed, looking at her. She'd become so introverted and insecure. I didn't know how to help her. Her tantrums had stopped a year and a half ago, but it was replaced with this quiet, meek personality.

She was halfway to my car when a blond boy came out of nowhere and smacked her books out of her arms, causing them to tumble to the ground. Alice quickly dropped to her knees without a word and began gathering her books.

Before I knew it, I was out of the car and stalking over to my sister. I grabbed her arm and forced her to stand, causing her to drop everything again. She wouldn't even look me in the eye.

"My books," she uttered quietly.

"Leave them," I demanded, and let go of her. My eyes immediately found the little punk who did this to her. He was standing a few feet away with some other boys his age, laughing and pointing at Alice. "Hey, you!" My voice was loud and harsh, causing him and his friends to freeze, staring at me in shock.

He looked at his friends briefly, as if he didn't fucking know I was talking to him. I raised an eyebrow, and he got the picture. He took tentative steps over to me, avoiding a glance at Alice. _Yeah, you better not fucking look at her._

"Pick up the books," I ordered him.

His widened, blue eyes stared at me for a moment before he bent and picked up the textbooks sprawled across the ground. He held them out to me when he was done.

"Give them to her," I said, and he did. "Now, apologize."

He didn't respond, so I took a step closer. "I'm sorry," he squeaked quickly, but more to me than Alice.

"Look at her and repeat it. Make sure you say her name."

He swallowed thickly and turned to her. "I'm sorry, Alice."

"Go," I commanded, and he swiftly scurried back to his friends.

Alice was already walking ahead to the car when I turned to her. I caught up and attempted to open the passenger door for her, but she got to it quicker and practically yanked it open. _Okay…one of those days._

I went around my side and hopped in. When I turned on the engine, the music automatically blasted, so I switched it off.

Alice's fingers were grasping tightly onto her books, her knuckles turning white.

"What's your problem?" I questioned.

She didn't reply, and I really didn't have the patience right now, so I pulled away from the curb.

When we got home after a tense ride, she slammed the car door and stomped to the house.

"Hey!" I shouted, shocked at her abusing my car, but she kept on walking.

After I opened the front door, she burst into the house, running up to her room as fast as she could. Jesus fucking Christ. I had no idea how to handle her these days. I could deal with an eleven year old boy, since I used to be one, but an eleven year old girl? I was definitely out of my element.

One thing I knew was that I had to fix whatever was angering her, before she reverted into herself and refused to come out of her room.

When I knocked and pushed open the door, a book came flying at my head. It narrowly missed me, and I scowled at her.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" I yelled in question.

She was sitting in a pretzel on her bed, glowering at me. "Why did you have to do that?" she asked, her tone matching mine.

"Why did I tell the boy to apologize to you? Why not? He was a jerk," I spoke, not understanding why she was pissed at me for helping her.

"You don't get it!" she exclaimed. "Now, Jasper's going to tell all his friends at school, including the popular girls, and I'm going to be the laughing stock of my grade because my big brother had to defend me."

Crap. I forgot how people could be in middle school. But I was her brother, and I could defend her if I wanted to. Any asshole that wronged her would have to deal with me.

"Well, _Jasper_ needs a lesson in manners," I said snidely.

Tears began falling down her cheeks quickly. She lay down and hid her face in the pillows. "You always ruin everything. Just leave me alone."

I couldn't say how much that hurt, but I was also aware she was being overly dramatic. She'd most likely forget about this in a couple days.

Not wanting to argue anymore with her, I decided to leave and let her cry it out. I'd make her something she'd like in the kitchen to get back into her good graces before Mom would get home.

After nearly two years, I was still doing the same thing—taking care of Alice's needs, making sure Mom was okay. The only difference was I had a job now to fill up my time when I wasn't with them.

Mom was a lot better than she was two years ago. Every now and then, I could hear her crying in her room, but it wasn't nearly as often as before. Alice had all but forgotten Dad. I knew, deep down, she actually hadn't, and I was sure her guilt was partly why she was so introverted, but I supposed there were more stressful things for her to be worrying about, like her hormones and whatever stuff girls went through at her age.

Mom and Alice's relationship hadn't gotten much better, in all honesty. They talked to each other, of course, but there was no special mother-daughter bond I'd often heard about. I feared they'd never grow close.

Dinner was quiet that night. Alice picked at her food, and Mom watched her. I was the only one scarfing down these tacos I made.

After we finished, I helped Mom take the empty dishes into the kitchen while Alice turned on the television in the living room.

"Do you have plans this weekend?" Mom asked me as she turned on the faucet and began rinsing a dirty plate.

"Nope," I answered. _Just like every weekend._

"You should go out."

"I promised Alice I'd take her to see _Stardust_."

"I'll take her."

I furrowed my brow. Well, this was new. "You're going to take her to the movies?"

She set the rinsed dish to the side. "Yeah," she answered. "So, go have fun."

"Okay…" I certainly wasn't going to turn the offer down. A break would be nice, but I was curious why the sudden change in routine. Perhaps she finally wanted to spend quality time with her daughter.

Once we finished washing everything, I went out into the living room and sat down next to Alice, who was absorbed in the television.

"What are you watching?" I questioned conversationally.

She shrugged. I guess she still wasn't speaking to me.

There were commercials, so I grabbed the remote and checked the listing.

"Hey!" she exclaimed, and tried to grab the remote from me.

"_Malibu Beach_?" I inquired, and tossed the remote in her lap. "Never heard of it."

"Everyone at school's been talking about it."

"So, you're going to watch what everyone else is watching," I assessed.

She glared at me then turned her attention back to the TV. The show started, and there was a half naked, redheaded woman in bed, kissing some dark haired guy. What the hell kind of show was this? Should she really be watching it? But I saw they weren't actually naked, which was fine, I supposed.

Alice was absolutely enthralled with what was happening, and I wondered if she even knew what they'd been doing before the camera decided to peep in on them.

"So, Mom is taking you to see _Stardust_ tomorrow," I told her, but she either hadn't heard me or was purposely ignoring me. "Alice, did you hear what I—?"

"Shh!" she hissed sharply, cutting me off.

With a huff, I threw my arm over the back of the couch and got comfortable. I didn't want to watch this stupid show with teenage looking people making out, but I wasn't doing anything else pressing.

The couple on screen did a lot of blabbing that I didn't pay attention to, and then the guy got up and grabbed a surfboard in the corner of his room. Yeah, because there was nothing like having sex with a hot chick, followed immediately by a nice round of surfing.

"That's Autumn and Huck," Alice informed. "They're everyone's favorite couple."

I tried not to roll my eyes. As if I cared what their names were.

The opening credits began rolling, showing various shots of the cast in beach wear. They all looked overly tan and way too thin. The redhead was there, the surfing after sex guy, some other blond dude that looked like every girl's wet dream, and then…

My eyes went wide as a familiar, thin, pale brunette flashed on the screen for a split second. That couldn't have been…no. There was no way.

I glanced at Alice, who didn't even seem fazed. If that person had been who I thought it was, Alice would've for sure said something.

The credits ended, going into the next scene. The blond guy, who actually wore a shirt, was sitting in his room, doing his homework, when something started rapping against his window from the outside.

"That's Brendan. He's _so_ cute," Alice said dreamily.

_Yeah, whatever. _

Brendan opened the window, and suddenly, a girl climbed into his room. When the camera did a close up of her, my entire body froze. There was no doubting it this time.

"_Andy, what are you doing here?" _Brendan questioned her.

My breathing was irregular as I took a quick look at Alice, who still didn't seem fazed. She had no clue. None at all. I stared back at the face of my past, my heart thrumming in familiar ways.

"_I needed to see you."_ Her voice was as I remembered it. As if her voice would've changed. But clearly, she had. No more was the cute girl. This woman was absolutely…jaw-dropping. In ways, she looked the same, but in others, she was significantly different. Her body had filled out in all the right places; however, she still managed to keep that girl-next-door look intact.

"What are you two watching?" Mom asked as she entered the living room.

"_Malibu Beach_," Alice answered for me, since I was momentarily speechless.

"Oh, yes," Mom said, as if realizing something. "I forgot to tell you, Edward. Renee told me Bella's pilot finally got picked up by a network."

I stared at my mother, wide-eyed, and then turned my attention back to the screen.

"That's Bella?" Alice practically squealed, bouncing on the couch once. "Oh my God! I know someone famous!"

I hadn't talked to Bella for over a year. It was weird seeing her, when the last memory I had of her was the back of her head as she left us all to fly to Los Angeles.

Things had been okay once she left. We sent each other emails back and forth periodically. She would tell me all about what she was doing in LA, from going with her cousins to the openings of clubs, to getting two small tattoos of stars on both of her hipbones. She was doing everything she wanted, and I had pretended as if I enjoyed her telling me…when I really hadn't.

Over time, I grew envious of her. Envious that I wasn't there, envious that she was away from this hell hole, and more importantly, envious that she wasn't even missing me in the slightest.

A few months after she arrived in LA, she began sending me pictures in the mail. They were all photographs of her smiling and laughing with various people I'd never seen in my life. When I'd started to see more and more guys pop up in her pictures, I quickly realized that I'd reached my last rope.

My feelings for her were irreversible, but I couldn't stand the thought of her being so far away, with guys groping her, while I sat at home and read Alice a story just so she'd be able to sleep easier.

So, I stopped emailing her. I stopped all contact with her. I didn't answer her phone calls, either. It wasn't hard, because my bitterness was fueling me. One by one, I deleted emails from her as they flooded my box, as well as deleted her messages from the answering machine, and soon, they stopped altogether.

After that, I had to listen to my mom's conversations with Mrs. Swan, which was where I had gotten most of my information of Bella secondhand. When she'd been out in LA for a while, she started taking acting classes. Soon, she'd tried out for a local commercial and got the part. Following that, she'd landed a lead role on a television pilot, but the show was never picked up by a network.

I supposed it had now.

"_The dance is a week away, and no one has asked me yet,"_ Bella's character admitted somberly.

"She looks so much older," Mom analyzed. "She's turned into quite a young woman. I remember when she used to run around our backyard with you, Edward."

Mom never knew I had a falling out with Bella. Or if she did, she never spoke of it. And I assumed Bella hadn't told her mother I'd stopped contact. It probably didn't even matter to Bella, since she seemed too busy to consider anyone back home.

I mentally sighed. Apparently, the bitterness was still around. I'd managed to keep my mind off her for long periods, except when Mike would goad me about her, trying to get a reaction out of me, which usually worked.

"_I'll go with you,"_ Brendan offered abruptly, causing me to narrow my eyes. It was clear this douche liked her.

What was the matter with me? I was jealous over a fictional character? Even after all this time, it was clear that I still felt _something _for her. Did she ever think of me? Did she even remember me? Then again, why would she, now that she was on her way to becoming famous?

Bella—or Andy—threw her arms around Brendan and held him tight. _"Thank you for always being there for me,"_ she whispered. _"You're the best friend I've ever had." _

Both Brendan and I simultaneously frowned. Her words rang in my head over and over again. There was a time I'd always been there for Bella. Now, I had no idea who she was. Some best friend I turned out to be.

The next scene didn't have her in it, which caused my stomach to sink. I shouldn't have wanted to see her again, but I couldn't help it. It was like some of the times back in our teenage years when I'd climb her tree and watch her sleep. I could see her, but she couldn't see me. It made me feel safe, and...more alive than I'd felt in a while. It was as if she was here with me, talking to me, when in reality, she'd never talk to me again.

X-X-X-X

Over the next several weeks, a new routine started to form. During the week, I'd go to work, as usual, pick Alice up, and continue on with my duties. But every Friday at eight, I'd sit on the couch with Alice, and we'd watch _Malibu Beach_. Well, actually, she'd watch _Malibu Beach_. I'd just watch Bella.

Every moment she was on, my eyes would be glued to her. I became invested in every scene with her in it. She was radiant, and I yearned for a time when she was next door to me, so that I could sit in her room and watch her be herself.

I hadn't blamed her for never coming home. She'd always talked about spending a year out in LA and then returning, but with her acting and whatever else she was doing, I was sure it all enticed her to stay. Plus, it wasn't like I'd given her any incentive that I wanted her back. I did, more than anything, but cutting off contact with her meant forfeiting seeing her again. And I guess, at the time, it made sense. The question was, did it now?

"_So, what are you saying, Brendan?"_ Andy asked in a huff. _"You think you can just tell me you love me and that I'll just say it back to you? I thought we were friends!"_

Wait, what?

I hadn't been paying attention to the plot, considering how absorbed in Bella I was. She wore some sort of tiny bikini and denim shorts. I hadn't seen that much of her body in a while, and even then, it had never looked like _this_…so curvy and full. My throat went dry as I stared at places I'd thought of more times than I could count.

"_Well, maybe I don't wanna be your friend!"_ Brendan shouted at her, but his face soon softened when he saw how sullen Andy had become. _"Maybe I wanna be more than friends."_

"_More?"_ Andy whispered. _"We've known each other since we were kids. We took bubble baths together and shared ice cream cones. Why are things changing?"_

"_They just are,"_ he said, and took a step to her. She seemed so frightened, and I just wanted to hug her, but it wasn't my arms that she was finding comfort in. _"Tell me you feel the same, Andy."_

She sighed into his chest and lifted her head to gaze up at him. _"I don't know. I just—"_

Before she could finish, Brendan suddenly captured her lips with his, deeply kissing her. I scowled immediately, my hands balling into fists.

"Oh my God! They're kissing!" Alice exclaimed joyfully. "Mom! Come quick! Andy and Brendan are kissing!"

My mother rushed into the living room and watched the television. "Oh, that's the young man Renee said she's been dating off-camera," Mom revealed.

My blood ran cold at her words. She was in a relationship with this _dickhead_…in real life?

"She's dating Riley Biers?" Alice questioned excitedly. "God, she's_ so_ lucky…"

Riley Biers. So, that was his real name. She was dating this idiot—her co-star—who she seemed to be having an on-screen romance with, too. I was irrationally enraged. I had no hold on her. Hell, she never knew I once liked her...loved her. She most likely dated tons of guys out there, and by the looks of all her pictures she'd sent me, that was probably the case. I, on the other hand, hadn't dated anyone. Nada. Zilch.

God, I was an idiot, watching someone who I couldn't and would never have. It was pure torture to see her every Friday like this, knowing I once knew her, but now didn't. And to watch her kissing some dude she was dating in real life…that was too much.

I felt the same emotions bubbling within me when I'd cut off contact with her. The same bitterness and envy rushing through my pulsing veins. I needed to stop this. Right now. No more watching this dumbass show. No more watching _her_.

As Brendan tossed Andy on his bed and settled on top of her, I grabbed the remote from Alice's deathly grip and switched the channel.

"HEY!" she shouted. "Why did you do that?"

"You're too young to watch this kind of stuff," I lied.

"Mom!" she shrieked.

"Edward," Mom scolded. "Turn the channel back."

"Are you serious?" I questioned incredulously. "She can't watch a show with two people practically going at it."

"Everyone else watches it," Alice huffed.

"You're not everyone else," I snapped.

"You ruin everything!" she yelled, and attempted to get the controller from me again, but I held it high above her head.

"That's enough," Mom ordered. "Edward, give her back the remote."

"She's too young—"

"I'm her mother, and I'll decide what's best for her," she said, interrupting me.

"Yeah, like you've really been a mother to her," I insulted, knowing full well the damage my words would cause.

Mom snatched the remote from me and pointed toward the front door. "Get out," she all but growled.

I launched off the couch and practically flew out of the house in a state of anger. As the cold air washed over me, I stopped abruptly, staring next door. It hadn't been too long ago that Bella and I had gone back and forth to each other's houses to hang out. I missed those days, being carefree with no responsibilities. I missed _her_. I missed _us_.

Facing my house, I saw Alice and Mom through the window, sitting on the couch together as they continued to watch the show. For once, they actually seemed like mother and daughter. Now that I thought about it, who was I to take this show away from Alice, when it had made her the happiest I'd seen her in a while?

My jealousy over Bella was out of place, I knew that. I just had to remember that I wasn't a part of her life anymore. She was in my past. Maybe it was time I allowed myself to keep her there. Maybe it was time I let her go.

* * *

**A/N: **

**When you think of **_**Malibu Beach**_**, picture something akin to **_**The O.C. **_**or **_**Summerland**_**. I based it off all those teen drama shows. Bella's character, Andy, is based off Joey from **_**Dawson's Creek**_**. Brendan has a likeness to Brandon from **_**Beverly Hills, 90210**_**. Autumn is reflective of Summer from _The O.C._, and Huck was designed to have a similar persona to Chuck from _Gossip Girl_, except in beach mode. ****If you want to see the cast of the show, there's a link on my profile. **

**Did you have a teen drama show you just had to watch? Tell me which! **

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


	7. Stir

**A/N: **

**I loved hearing all your favorite shows. 90210 seemed to be a common one, followed by The O.C. and Dawson's Creek. Good stuff. **

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx. Both amaze me with their quickness.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER SEVEN  
*STIR***

**End of Spring 2011**

After clocking out and switching off all the lights, I reached in my pocket for the keys, so I could close up shop. Another week working at Newton's Olympic Outfitters had gone by, and I was ready for the weekend to relax.

I exited the back way to see Emmett waiting for me outside, as usual.

"Ready?" he asked, leaning against the brick wall of the store, his muscular arms crossed tightly in front of himself.

"Yep," I answered, and locked the door.

"I'll follow behind you," he said, and walked over to his car.

It took us little to no time to drive over to the diner, since it was only a couple blocks down. We parked right next to each other and got out of our cars.

"So, that Newton ass will be here next week?" he questioned once he reached me.

I groaned. "Yeah. He's coming home from the east coast for a few days."

Since I'd been made manager a couple years ago, Mike's efforts at trying to get me fired had run stale. His parents liked me and knew I had great work ethic. They'd even paid part of my tuition to go to college in Port Angeles, where I got my associate's degree in Business. That didn't mean Mike wouldn't try to push my buttons whenever he was in town. But it was hard for him to get to me anymore. Too many years had passed for his usual, overplayed digs to have any effect.

As soon as we walked into the diner we visited almost every evening, Emmett's name was called. We both looked in the direction of the voice, only to see two familiar faces—that of a blonde and brunette. I smiled, and we made our way over to them.

"Rose, I thought I was meeting up with you tomorrow," Emmett said, and leaned over the table of the booth to kiss her.

"We thought we'd surprise you guys," she replied, and scooted over for him to sit next to her.

"Hey," I greeted to the beautiful girl sitting across from Rose, and sunk into the booth beside her.

"Hi," she said back, and smiled widely at me. "Miss me?"

I chuckled and lifted her chin. My lips pressed to hers gently, and she exhaled through her nose as I took her bottom lip into my mouth. We kissed slowly, savoring each other.

"Alright, alright. Please save that for after we eat," Rose interrupted, causing us to pull apart reluctantly.

"Give us a break. We haven't seen each other in a few days," Gianna said.

I slung my arm around her shoulders and brought her closer into my side. "Were you waiting long?"

"We know you both come around seven, so only ten minutes or so," she replied.

I was happy to see her. With my job, and with her classes, it was hard to get a spare minute during the week, but we managed when we could. She'd been my rock for the last year, so I was always grateful when she'd drive down from Seattle.

I remembered the first time we met, how reluctant I was to get to know her. Emmett and I had been good buddies for a couple years, ever since we met through working together at Newton's Olympic Outfitters.

Last spring, he started dating Rose, and she invited him to a WU college party up in Seattle. Of course, he invited me, and I went, because what the hell else was there to do in Forks? I realized how out of my element I was once we arrived. Emmett and I were definitely the oldest guys there. He didn't seem to mind, but I sure did.

Sometime in the evening, Rose said she wanted me to meet some twenty year old friend of hers. I said no, straight off the bat. I wasn't interested in college girls, especially the ones there that were allowing drunk guys to do body shots off them. Well, she didn't listen to me, and suddenly, I was meeting this girl.

Gianna was attractive, of course, like most of the girls at the party, but she was different. She wasn't dressed provocatively, and she seemed quiet and reserved, as if she didn't want to be there. I talked to her, feeling forced by Rose, but soon found out she was incredibly sweet.

I was curious about her, because she definitely didn't look like she'd be unsocial, but there was a certain look in her clear, blue eyes, one I'd been all too familiar with when I saw my own reflection. Something inside her had shut off.

We spent that entire evening talking, and I found myself telling her about my father. I'd never told a stranger about him so openly before. Even with Emmett, it took me a good six months of knowing him to talk about Dad. In turn, Gianna told me about her mother passing from breast cancer a week prior.

She was so easy to talk to. She understood. In fact, I'd say she was the only person in my life that actually got how it felt to lose a parent. I wished I could say Alice understood, but she'd been too young at the time.

By the end of the night, I surprised myself by kissing her. I was even more surprised that she let me. And since then, we'd had somewhat of a long distance relationship, going back and forth between Seattle and Forks to see each other. It was working out pretty well, even with the hectic schedules and long drives, and it was my hope that once she graduated, we wouldn't be so far apart.

"How long are you in town?" I questioned.

"The weekend. Right, Gi?" Rose inquired.

"Yeah, but I need to be back on Sunday to get some studying in," Gianna answered.

"Are you both staying with us?" Emmett asked eagerly. He was sort of in the same situation as me, doing the long distance thing with Rose.

"That's the plan," Rose replied.

I squeezed Gianna's hand under the table, letting her know I was glad she'd be with me, even if it was for only a couple days.

We ordered our dinner and caught up with each other during the meal. Once we finished, Emmett was giving Rose lusty eyes, which meant they were ready to head to the apartment. We settled the bill and exited the diner.

"So, I was thinking I could just ride with you," Gianna suggested as we reached our cars. "I came with Rose, but I'm sure she won't mind."

"Yeah, no problem," I agreed, but suddenly realized something. "Shit…actually, I have to see my family."

She frowned for a second before feigning a smile. "Oh, right. Family bonding night."

I sighed and cupped her face. "I'm sorry, Gi. You know I do this once a week. It'll only be for an hour or so and then I promise I'll run back to you."

"You swear on your life?" she asked, a real smile starting to cross her face.

I chuckled. "On my life." I pecked her nose. "See you later?"

"Yep. Tell Alice I said hey."

"I will. Love you."

"I love you, too," she responded, and went to Rose, interrupting her heavy make out session with Emmett.

We all said goodbye and went our separate ways. It didn't take me long to get to my old home. Mom's car wasn't there, but I remembered she'd texted me, saying she was going grocery shopping last minute for some reason.

It would've been nice to walk into a quiet house, but that would never be the case with Alice's loud _30 Seconds to Mars_ music blasting from her room.

"Alice!" I shouted, wincing at the awful shit ringing in my ears.

The music turned down a bit—only enough to allow myself to think. I went into the living room and sat on the couch. After switching on the TV, I heard a weird knock at the front door. It was like someone was using it as a bass drum.

I went to the door, opened it, and folded my arms. Some punk ass kid was staring at me with wide eyes, wearing a black _Linkin' Park_ T-shirt and long shorts with a chain hanging from the front pocket to the back pocket.

"Yes?" I asked, not hiding the aggravation in my voice.

"Uh, yeah…is Ali home—? I mean, Alice," he corrected, his eyes trying to look around me through his long, blond, wiry hair covering most of his face.

"Who wants to know?" I inquired, and eyed the chain on his shorts with distaste.

"It's okay, Edward," I heard Alice say from somewhere behind me. "He's here to pick me up."

I turned around and saw her coming down the stairs, dressed in a short, black, mini skirt that didn't leave much to the imagination, and a red halter top, showing _way _too much cleavage. And her face was covered in all this make up shit.

"Wow, Ali. You look so—" the kid began to say, before I slammed the door in his face.

"What did you do that for?" Alice shouted.

"Are you kidding me?" I yelled in question. "First of all, you're not going anywhere dressed like _this_. Second of all, that kid is wearing a chain."

"So the hell what?"

"_Gangs _wear chains, Alice."

"Jasper's not in a gang!" she exclaimed angrily. "And I can wear whatever I want."

I scowled. "Jasper? That kid that bullied you all through middle school?"

She scoffed and placed her hands on her hips. "He's not like that anymore. Now, open the door!"

I groaned deep in my chest and yanked the door open. Jasper was still there, unfortunately, with a bewildered expression on his face.

"Here's the deal, Jasper," I started, glowering at him. "Beat it or I'll call the cops."

"Edward!" Alice gasped, horrified.

"Uhh…I think I'll just see you at school on Monday, Ali," Jasper said as he started to back up. "Bye." He quickly turned around and made a beeline for his piece of shit car that looked like it'd been in one too many accidents.

I shut the door and turned to Alice with a self-satisfied smirk. She wasn't too pleased, though, since she was staring daggers at me.

"You'll thank me one day," I said.

"Thank you?" she balked. "Thank you for running away the guy I've been crushing on since elementary school? Jasper _finally_ asked me out. How could you do that?"

"That kid is trouble. You don't wanna get messed up with him."

"You don't even know him!" she shouted.

"And you do?" I questioned. "Did Mom say you could go out with him?"

She crossed her arms over her chest. "Mom said I could go out."

"But not with him," I assessed.

"Ugh!" she said, throwing her hands up. She turned and started running up the stairs. When she got to the top, she spun around and glared at me. "You always ruin my life. You're not Dad, so stop trying to be him." With that, she stormed off into her room, slamming the door loudly for effect.

I ran a hand over my face, exhausted. What she said hurt, but she was right. I'd taken on the father role once Dad had gone. At the time, I had to, because this family needed someone to put the pieces back together. Now, with Alice being fifteen and trying to be all independent—getting rides from friends to school and choosing going to parties over spending time with me—she acted as if she didn't need me anymore.

When I'd moved out of the house over a year ago and in with Emmett, she hadn't blinked an eye. I knew it was just a result of her age and having seen me every day for years, but it still stung.

I went back to the couch and sat down, watching television in silence. It was fifteen minutes later when Alice came down the steps in her pajamas and sat at the opposite end of the couch. She was sniffling every few seconds, which meant she'd been crying. I instantly felt bad.

"Ali, you're right," I started. "I have tried to replace Dad, but you have to understand, you needed that. When he passed, you were so shaken up. I cared about you, and it hurt me to see you like that."

She sniffled again. "But I'm okay now. I've been okay for a while. I just want my old brother back."

I smiled weakly. "I'll try, but it's not easy." I couldn't remember how I used to be. That person was long gone.

She sighed and shifted across the couch to me. Her head rested on my shoulder, and I moved my arm so it was lying along the back of the couch behind her. "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier," she spoke softly. "I didn't mean what I said. You're my favorite person in this whole world."

A grin crossed my face. "Really?"

"Really. Can you just not scare away Jasper anymore? I like him a lot."

I chuckled. "Yeah, maybe."

She turned her attention to the TV and sat up straight. "So, what's happening this week?" she inquired. "Did he do it yet?"

"No, I think he's about to now," I answered, and turned up the volume.

It was night, and Brendan was leading a blindfolded Andy to a small picnic on the deserted beach.

"_Why are we here?"_ Andy questioned, giggling.

"_You'll see,"_ Brendan assured, helping her sit down on the large blanket.

As usual, my eyes were only on her. _Malibu Beach_ was coming up to the end of its fourth season, and this was the season finale.

Years ago, when the show was in its first season, I'd tried to stop watching, because I wanted to get over Bella, but I found myself drawn back to it. I needed to see her. Somehow, I felt like I was still in her life like that, even though I wasn't and probably would never be again. Plus, watching her…it was like an escape from my own uneventful life.

For one hour every Friday, I left my world behind and spent it in hers. No one knew I watched the show, save for Alice and my mom. For some reason, I couldn't tell Gianna. I felt almost guilty for spending my Fridays watching this girl I once knew. The thing was, Gianna knew all about Bella and that we were friends once, but a part of me didn't want her to know _this_ side of me. It was like I was a different person on those days, one that I wasn't sure she'd understand.

I didn't know much about Bella's life anymore, if at all. And I certainly didn't bother reading those trashy magazines at the grocery store with her face plastered on the cover from time to time.

I assumed Mom got tired of keeping me up to date, because I began to act as if I didn't really care. It took a while for me to face the fact that I would never see her again, but I finally did. And now that I'd met Gianna and wanted a future with her, it was just a wasted effort to constantly think about Bella.

"_I can't believe you did this,"_ Andy said, her voice radiating happiness, causing warmth to spread through me. Her blindfold was off now, and she could see the food laid out before her.

"_Surprised?"_ Brendan asked, bringing her to him.

"_God, yeah,"_ she breathed, and kissed him deeply.

As usual, I dodged my eyes to the side until I knew they were finished.

"_There's something I need to tell you,"_ Brendan said, and took hold of her hands.

"Oh my God!" Alice squealed. "He's going to propose—I knew it!"

I rolled my eyes. I supposed after the four years of Andy and Brendan's on-again-off-again relationship, Brendan finally decided he wanted her permanently. Douche.

"_We've known each other forever…and I think I've always been in love with you,"_ Brendan said, and smiled softly. _"You're everything to me. I can't imagine a second of my life without you in it. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, inside and out. So, Andrea Tiffany Miller…"_ he paused dramatically _"…will you—?" _

"_Well, this is cute,"_ a voice sneered somewhere nearby them. The camera panned to the right, showing a dirty blond haired, scruffy looking man with a sinister glint in his eyes as he made his way over to them.

"Oh no! Not Troy!" Alice exclaimed in distress.

Troy was Andy's ex-boyfriend who had been obsessed with her. He took it hard when she dumped him to be with Brendan again.

"_Troy, what are you doing here?"_ Andy questioned, her tone laced with annoyance.

"_A picnic, Brendan?"_ Troy questioned cockily, ignoring her. _"Come on, you can do better than that."_

Brendan stood, his face contorting in anger. _"You need to leave."_

"_Or what?"_ Troy asked, fury slipping through his controlled mask. _"You're going to take Andy away from me? Oh, wait, you already did that."_

"_Troy,"_ Andy began pleadingly, _"please, just understand that it's over between you and me. I love Brendan."_

Troy's wild eyes shot to Andy, a desperate look on his face. "_You don't know what you're saying!"_ he shouted. _"How can you not see that you belong with me?" _

Andy shrunk back slightly, and Brendan took a step toward Troy. _"You're scaring her, so you need to go, before I call the police,"_ Brendan warned calmly.

Troy laughed maniacally. _"Doubt that,"_ he said, and pulled out a gun from the back of his pants.

Andy gasped.

Brendan's eyes were wide. _"Okay, just be cool. Don't hurt her, please,"_ Brendan begged.

"_Her?"_ he growled angrily. _"I'd never hurt her. But you, on the other hand..."_ He brought the gun up and pointed it directly at Brendan. _"You took her away from me. Now, I'm going to take something away from you. Your life." _

"_NO!"_ Andy screamed.

Everything happened in slow motion. Troy fired a shot, and Andy jumped in front of Brendan's frozen body, taking the bullet. When everything sped up again, Brendan caught her limp body in his arms before she dropped to the sand.

"_Andy!"_ Troy cried in anguish, realizing what he'd done. _"I…I'm so sorry…" _Horrified, he quickly ran away, leaving the tragic scene.

Brendan dropped to his knees as he cradled her in his arms. _"Andy, talk to me," _he pleaded, his voice cracking.

Her face was pale, her lips were turning blue, and her hazy, brown eyes were moist with unshed tears. She was gripping onto the front of his shirt. _"Brendan…"_ she whispered shakily. _"I…c-can't feel my body…"_

He choked a sob, completely beside himself. _"I need to call an ambulance." _

"_No,"_ she said, her breaths uneven. _"You w-were going to propose?"_

Brendan nodded, tears running down his cheeks.

"_I would've s-said yes…"_ she admitted, and made a quiet, strained noise. _"I…l-love you."_ Her eyes became lifeless, and her hand dropped from Brendan's chest.

"_Andy?"_ Brendan asked, shaking her lightly. When he realized she was gone, he tightened his arms around her and began to full-on sob.

The show faded to black, followed by the rolling of the ending credits.

"What?" Alice shouted, slamming her hands down on the couch. "There's no way she died. She couldn't have died, right?"

I was in a state of shock. It had looked like she died, but that was the season finale. Shows always did things like that for shock value. Chances were, next season, it'd turn out she wasn't actually dead or something.

"I have to call Bree. She's probably flipping," Alice said, and rushed out of the room.

I sighed heavily, knowing there'd be no _Malibu Beach_ for a couple months, until season five started.

Alice's voice echoed throughout the house as she talked a mile a minute to her friend. I was glad she got out of her awkward, introverted phase. When people found out Bella used to be Alice's neighbor, it seemed everyone wanted to be her friend. Now, she was Miss Popular or whatever. All I knew was she had more of a social life than I ever did at her age, and even now.

I'd told Gianna I'd only be an hour, and Mom wasn't home yet, so I checked my pockets for my phone, but I realized I'd left it in my Ford. I went out to my car and found it tossed haphazardly on the passenger's seat.

Once I closed the door, I began walking down the driveway to the mailbox. Sometimes, I'd still get mail here for some reason.

Bright headlights suddenly shined from down the street, causing my head to turn. An unfamiliar, big, black SUV was slowing down outside my house. I thought for a minute that it was going to turn into my driveway, but then it parked along the curb of the Swans house.

Who was that?

Though it was pretty dark, I could make out the driver's door opening. It slammed shut and the shadowy figure of a woman walked around the front. Heels clicked against the pavement, growing louder. She was coming directly to me. I squinted slightly to make out who she was. But as she stepped closer, I thought I was going insane, because she looked just like…

"Hey, Edward."

My eyes were unblinking, staring at the person I thought I'd never see again. She was right in front of me. Not on my TV.

Her face was older, more mature, but still familiar. It was the rest of her that was different. She was wearing a thin, red sweater that showed a sliver of her stomach and skinny black jeans with beige suede boots over it. Along with that, she had large, black sunglasses resting atop her head.

"I'm back home for a couple weeks," Bella spoke, when I hadn't responded.

"Oh," was all I could manage to say. What the hell was the matter with me? I was acting like she was a stranger. Well…perhaps she was. It wasn't as if I knew her anymore.

"Well, I better get inside," she said. "I told my mom last minute I was coming, and she's been calling me every twenty minutes since I landed."

An unfamiliar cell phone ring sliced through the thick air, and it was then I realized that I was still holding mine; however, I'd forgotten now why I needed it in the first place. Bella reached into her pocket and slipped out an iPhone.

"There she is again," Bella muttered, and answered the call. "Mom, I'm just outside." She quickly hung up and pushed it back into her pocket. "Anyway, nice seeing you." She turned and walked away without as much as a backwards glance.

"Yeah, you, too," I said as a delayed response, but she was already walking up the driveway of her house and hadn't heard me.

The front door of the Swans home opened, and their porch lights turned on as Mrs. Swan came outside. "Bella, honey. I'm so happy you're finally home!" she exclaimed, and enveloped her daughter in a tight hug. "Where's your bag?"

"It's in the trunk," Bella answered, sounding exhausted. "I'll get it in the morning."

I hadn't been aware that I was still gazing at her, completely shocked by her return. It'd been nearly six years since I saw her last. I was certain she'd never stand in front of me again. My stomach was flipping and my nerves were on edge, so I walked back to my front door.

As I was about to go inside, I looked one more time next door. Mrs. Swan stepped into her home, and before Bella followed, I was certain I saw her head turn in my direction. And then she was gone.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Uh ohhhh. I bet you simultaneously hated and loved that chapter. Welcome back, Bella. *stirs the pot* Any theories on why sh****e might b****e back?  
**

**Polyvore on the profile. **

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


	8. Disillusion

**A/N: **

**Interesting reactions last chapter. You want to hate Gianna, but have no reason to, except that she's not Bella. And speaking of Bella, many were surprised over how nonchalant she was with him. Or was she? Hmm. **

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx.**

**

* * *

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**CHAPTER EIGHT  
*DISILLUSION***

I stared at the television screen, half watching some sports news program. Gianna was sitting right next to me, reading one of her school textbooks lying in her lap. She suddenly shut it and tossed it on the side table. In an instant, she was on me, peppering my neck with gentle kisses. Slowly, I became distracted at the feel of her lips on my skin.

Her mouth found mine and moved against it. For a few minutes, I allowed myself to close my eyes and get lost in her, just like I'd done for the last year. But when my racing thoughts began to pour in again, I pulled away and slung my arm around her shoulder instead.

She sighed. "Everything okay?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah, why?" I replied automatically, not wanting her to question me any further.

"You've been kinda…I don't know…a little distant lately."

"Oh…" I said. I hadn't realized I'd been transparent. "Just tired from work."

It'd been over a week since I last saw her…saw Bella. Her very presence, knowing she was here, it was all I could think about. My brain was constantly filled with images of her walking up my driveway, standing directly in front of me after years of never seeing each other, and acting completely…indifferent.

Why was she back?

This was exactly why I was avoiding home. I couldn't be around her. I'd learned over the years to suppress my thoughts of her, and now, everything had been undone in just the few minutes that I'd spoken to her. Actually, correction, I had barely said two words to her.

God...so stupid.

I'd just stood there, like an idiot, and gawked at her.

Mom had been calling me every evening, asking me to come to dinner. I kept saying no. Alice also harassed me with calls, gloating to me how she'd seen Bella a total of three times and had even gotten her autograph.

Shit…I was way in over my head. I'd gotten so used to her only being the girl in the television, not my old childhood friend. Why was everything turning inside out?

Gianna abruptly stood and gathered her textbook, taking me out of my rampant thoughts.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"To see my dad. Tomorrow's the anniversary of my mother's death, and he's been pretty down lately."

I instantly felt awful. I'd been so consumed with my own stress, I'd completely forgotten about Gianna's. Standing up, I wrapped my arms around her petite frame. "Will you be okay?"

"I have to be," she replied, and pulled away slightly to look up at me. "I'm going to her grave tomorrow morning. I'd really like it if you'd come with me."

"Really?" I was surprised. I knew how intimate that could be. There hadn't been anyone I'd let come with me to visit my dad, except Alice. It was always an emotional experience for me that I needed to keep private.

She smiled shyly. "Yeah. I want her to meet you."

I pressed my lips to her forehead. "I'll pick you up at your dorm around nine?"

"Okay."

We said goodbye at the front door with promises to see each other tomorrow morning. And, as usual, my phone went off. Mom would stop at nothing.

"Yes, Mother?" I asked as politely as possible, to hide how aggravated I was.

"Sweetie, please come over tonight. I'm making your favorite—Mexican."

I groaned. "Mom, I'm not in the mood. I've had a long day."

"You only need to stay for an hour. Alice misses you, I miss you, and we need to spend some time together." Her tone was a little sterner. She meant business.

"Alright," I relented begrudgingly. "Only for an hour."

I couldn't believe I'd given in, but it was hard for me to turn down either of those girls when they asked something of me. So, when I pulled into the driveway, I was on high alert. That big SUV Bella had come in was now parked in the Swans' driveway, which probably meant she was still in town, and quite possibly up in her room.

Trying not to think too much about that thought, I made my way to the door. I hadn't even put the key in the lock, when it opened, revealing my mother.

"Hi, honey!" she greeted cheerily, and planted a big kiss on my cheek.

"Hey, Mom," I replied dully. "I'm here now, so let's eat." _And get this over with_.

"Of course, come in," she said, and led me by the arm, through the house.

I quirked an eyebrow, hearing more than one voice coming from the dining area as we approached. When I saw who was there, my arm became stiff in my mother's grasp.

"Edward," Mrs. Swan said with a large smile. "Your mother was finally able to lure you over, I see."

Mom laughed and let go of my arm to sit down in her usual seat at the head of the table. "All I had to say was 'Mexican,' and he agreed in an instant."

My eyes briefly caught Bella's unwavering stare, before I made a conscious effort not to look at her. Instead, I regarded Alice, who was already eating her food. I bent down to kiss her cheek and took the empty seat next to her.

"Mom made cheese enchiladas," she spoke with a full mouth and swallowed. She leaned into me to whisper in my ear. "And Andy is sitting _right_ across from me."

I wanted to groan in frustration. I hoped she hadn't referred to Bella as Andy in front of her.

"Edward, you haven't even said hello to Bella," my mom remarked, giving me a dirty look.

I cleared my throat and finally turned my head to Bella, who was focused on her plate of food. "Hello, Bella."

Her expressive eyes lifted to mine, and I quickly glanced away, not wanting to see what was behind them.

"I forgot to tell you to bring Gianna, as well," my mother brought up.

I stiffened in my seat. What the hell was the matter with me? Mom always invited Gianna for dinner whenever she was in town. _Yeah, just not in front of Bella._ "She had to go to her dad's," I replied.

"Oh, okay," she said, and turned her attention to Bella. "So, as I was saying before, the last time I went to California was before Alice was born. My husband took Edward and me to the Rose Parade in Pasadena on New Year's Day. Have you been?"

"Uh, yeah," Bella answered softly. "Some of my friends took me one year, but usually, I just watch on TV like everyone else."

"Bella wanted Charlie and me to go over at the beginning of the year, but he was so exhausted from work," Mrs. Swan chimed in. "It always looks so beautiful on television. I can't imagine what it looks like in real life."

"They're just a bunch of dead flowers," Alice remarked, and nudged my arm with her elbow, causing me to smile discreetly at her.

Our mothers ignored Alice and continued chatting while the rest of us ate. I didn't have much of an appetite, feeling self-conscious, so I only managed to get in three bites before I pushed my plate away.

Every now and then, I'd feel Bella's eyes on me, which would cause me to look at her, but I'd never actually catch her. So, I had to wonder if it was just my imagination. I noticed that she seemed subtly sad. It wouldn't have been noticeable to anyone else, but in those ways, I knew her so well.

"I have a question, Bella," Alice asked suddenly, interrupting Mom and Mrs. Swan's conversation. "My friend read some spoilers on the internet, and there's a rumor that Andy _did_ die. Is that true?"

"Alice, I'm sure Bella can't—" Mom began to say, before Bella cut her off.

"It's okay, Mrs. Cullen," she spoke, and regarded Alice with a serious expression. "I wish I could answer your question, but I'm actually not allowed to talk about the future of the show. However, I can tell you I'm not returning next season. It'll be announced sometime this summer."

Mrs. Swan rubbed Bella's back, which seemed to be a comforting gesture. She wasn't going to be on _Malibu Beach_ anymore? How was that possible? Bella had tons of fans that watched just for her.

"Are you serious?" Alice questioned, distraught. "You were my favorite character."

Bella frowned. "I'm sorry, kiddo."

Alice sighed. "It's okay. I don't know if I'll be watching next season, anyway, now that I have a boyfriend and all."

I shook my head, choosing to ignore that comment.

"Since when?" Mom questioned.

Alice grinned. "Since Jasper decided to make our relationship official."

"Little Jasper Whitlock?" Bella inquired.

"Yeah, you know him?" Alice sounded surprised.

Bella chuckled lightly. "I used to babysit him. He was a mini tyrant. Every time, without fail, he'd dress up in his Halloween cowboy costume and shoot me with those clicking guns. Once, he even tried to lasso me with one of his father's belts. I deserved a lot more than five bucks an hour for taking care of that monster."

Even though I still felt tense with her here, I found myself smiling slightly.

After dinner seemed to be over, Mom and Mrs. Swan gathered the dirty dishes and went into the kitchen to clean up, leaving the rest of us at the table. Alice was texting away on her phone, while I picked at the linen.

"Hey, Bella. Do you still have that sticker book I gave you?" Alice inquired out of the blue.

"Of course," Bella answered, her tone giving away her elation at being asked that. "It's back at my loft in a safe place."

I could tell Alice was happy with that answer, which caused me to look at Bella with sincerity. She didn't have to keep something like that after all these years. I mean, it was just a bunch of silly soccer stickers. The gesture didn't just mean a lot to Alice, but to me, as well.

Abruptly, there was a loud car honk outside.

"Jasper's here," Alice announced, and stood.

I began to get up, wanting to show that punk ass kid not to mess around with my little sister, if that was what he was doing.

"_No_," Alice demanded, and pushed me back in my chair. "We talked about this, remember? You're going to ease up on him."

I groaned. "Tell him to keep his hands to himself."

She giggled and scurried away, yelling out to Mom that she was heading out.

That left me with Bella. Alone…

I knew I should say something, anything, but I couldn't. Not only did I have nothing to say, but I was still coming to terms with her being back. At least for now. She'd be gone soon, as she'd said before. Back to LA, I supposed.

We were both catching the other sneaking a glance. She was playing idly with a long lock of her hair, wrapping it loosely around her finger. My eyes were drawn to it. I'd witnessed so many of her hairstyle changes over the years through the show—from choppy layers, to a short, black bob with bangs, to a blonde color, then back to brown. Right now, her hair was long, draping over her shoulders and arms in large waves. I was mesmerized.

The silence was so thick it got to the point where one of us would have to say something, so I did, only I wished I hadn't.

"Your hair is longer…" I uttered. Couldn't I have thought of something better to say?

She looked down at the lock of hair currently wrapped around her finger. "Yeah…I guess I look pretty different to you. Last time you saw me, I had hair up to my shoulders."

I could've said I saw her various other hairstyles on the show, but I chose not to. That would entail telling her I watched her like some creep. So, I went silent again.

After another awkward minute, she sighed heavily and scraped her chair back against the floor. Before I could form a questioning thought, she was out of her seat and quickly exiting the dining area.

"Mom, I'm heading home!" she called out.

I briefly closed my eyes, my breathing irregular. Why was this so hard? It was _Bella_. Was my guilt over choosing not to talk to her again so bad that I couldn't even behave normally around her?

Before I could talk myself out of it, I was up and out of my seat. The front door slammed shut just as I reached it, and I flung it open. She was hurriedly walking down the front lawn, as if on a mission. I jogged right up to her and grabbed her arm, halting her movement.

"Hey, um—" was all I managed to get out, before she promptly cut me off.

"What?" she barked harshly, taking me aback, and removed her arm from my grasp. Her dark eyes were fierce, angry.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets, feeling insecure. "I just…" I wasn't even sure what I wanted to tell her. I just didn't want her to leave.

She huffed. "Oh, now you have something to say? After how many years of not talking to me?"

I frowned. She hated me. I'd cut off contact, and she despised me for it all these years. "Bella…"

"Save it," she spat. "I didn't come back here to be your friend again." She took two steps backwards, before she spun around and made her way next door.

I should've gone after her, but I was rooted to my spot, my head pounding, my heart nearly thumping out of my chest. All this time, I was sure she probably didn't care, given the fact that she had such a busy and fulfilled life. Now, it was clear that she did care. So much to the point that she seemed to resent me.

In that instant, I hated myself for being such an unthinking dick back then. I hadn't meant to ever hurt her, but forcing myself out of her life for her own good hadn't helped me, and maybe, it hadn't helped her, either.

I had to talk to her. But how? She probably wanted my head on a platter right now.

That night, I decided to crash in my old room. When I knew Alice and Mom were asleep, I snuck out of the house, dressed in my pajamas and a pair of old sneakers. The entire street was silent as I made my way outside the front of Bella's room. Her light was off, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep without talking to her.

I should've thought about it more before I attempted to climb the tree. Back in my younger days, it was easier, because I was lankier. I felt like I was going to break the branches. Thankfully, they were sturdy and supported the muscle I'd gained in my years.

Through her window, I peeked inside. She was asleep in her old bed, looking like an innocent throwback to teenage Bella. My pulse raced at the sight, and I was tempted to just sit out here and watch her.

I tapped lightly on the glass and waited. She shifted slightly, but hadn't been affected. I tapped again, louder this time.

"Bella," I whispered, hoping like hell Mr. Swan didn't come out and find me up in the tree outside his daughter's room.

Her eyes blinked opened, staring directly into mine. I pointed to the window, praying internally she'd open it. She rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling, causing me to frown in defeat. But after a few moments, she got off the bed and opened the window.

"What are you doing?" she asked, not sounding surprised in the least.

"Just hanging out," I replied with a smirk, which caused her to huff in annoyance. _Okay, got it. No joking around right now._ "Let me in?"

"No," she answered dryly.

"Okay…" I really thought she'd let me in, so I hadn't come up with any alternative plans. "Can you come out, then?"

"I told you, I'm not here to be your friend again."

I sighed sadly. "I just think we need to talk, that's all."

She exhaled loudly, appearing to be contemplating this. "Fine. I'll meet you at the front door." She shut the window and disappeared into the darkness of her room.

Something inside me shifted in that moment. I had hope. Maybe I could have Bella in my life once again. Could that really be possible? Well, that was if we could work things out.

And now I was nervous. Shit.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Awkward. Now you know Bella isn't actually indifferent to him. There's a lot of hurt there—on both sides. But at least she's willing to talk it out, right? I know I left it right at an important place, but the chapter just got too long, and I'm trying to keep them short and to the point.**

**Remember to stop by the forum for this fic. There are some good discussions on there that I partake in. Plus, teasers get posted there. Link is on the profile.**

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


	9. Revive

**A/N:**

**Oohhh, no one's happy with Edward. Have no fear. We're picking up right where we left off. **

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx, who says this is her favorite chapter to date.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER NINE  
*REVIVE***

Carefully, I climbed down from the tree and waited patiently by the front door. She was taking forever, and I hoped I wasn't being duped. But finally, the door slowly opened, and she came out, wearing small shorts and a thick sweater. I tried as hard as I could to keep my eyes on her face and not on her legs…or other parts of her.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey," she greeted curtly, and crossed her arms in front of her. I wasn't sure if the action was from the cold or to shield herself from me.

"Can we walk and talk?"

She merely nodded, and I led the way, walking us down the empty street. She was quiet, waiting for me to speak.

"First," I started, taking a deep, calming breath, "I just want to say that I hope Alice hasn't bugged you too much. She's a little excited you're here."

"No, it's okay. We've been hanging out."

"Honestly, you don't have to. She's fifteen years old and a bit starry-eyed with you."

"I love Alice. She was always like a little sister to me. I _wanted_ to see her," she admitted, and I felt content with that. "She's changed so much. I can't get over how pretty she is."

"Yeah, all the boys lately are thinking that, too, much to my dismay," I said, causing her to smile only slightly. "She went through a couple years of being introverted, but she grew out of that, and now she has a million friends that call at all hours. And she and Mom started to finally become close when she decided she liked boys and shopping."

Bella chuckled softly. "I'm glad," she said, and cast me a sideways glance. "You've done a great job with her. Really. You're so devoted to her."

I nodded. "She's my little sister. I'd do anything for her…except be okay with her dating that Jasper kid."

We both laughed for a moment, but it soon died, and left in its wake was a batch of tension that needed to be tended to.

"I never meant to hurt you," I spoke quietly, trying to find the confidence within to continue. "I know that's probably what I ended up doing, but it really wasn't my intention."

Her posture was stiff, and she kept a sizable distance between us as we strolled down the street. "I find that hard to believe, given how you ended our friendship."

I sighed. "You have to understand, I was going through stuff. I wasn't really myself."

"I knew that, and I wanted to be there for you," she said with emotion. "But it was hard when you were constantly pushing me away and making me think you didn't want me here."

I stopped walking, turning to her. "Bella, of course I wanted you here."

She shook her head, looking down. She didn't believe me. "The whole time, up until my flight, you were smiling and acting as if you couldn't wait until I left."

I huffed, angry at her for not understanding me better, and mad at myself for trying to hide my feelings back then. "You wanna know something? After you boarded your flight, I cried. That's not the reaction of someone that couldn't wait until you left."

Her eyes refused to move from mine, and I finally felt comfortable to do the same. "You cried?" she breathed, her expression turning sullen.

I nodded, feeling ashamed at my inability to withhold my feelings around this woman, as much as I tried to hide them.

A cool breeze wafted around us, filling our pondering silence. She tried to mask a shiver.

"Why did you stop talking to me?" she asked, barely above a whisper. Despair was laced through her words, causing a lump in my throat.

I dropped my eyes to the ground. I couldn't tell her all the reasons why, maybe not now at least, but I would try to explain some. "You were out doing what we both talked about for ages. I was here…every day no different than the other."

Her brow furrowed in bewilderment. "You were…jealous of me?"

"Not of you, Bella," I corrected. "Of not being there with you."

She looked down at the pavement. "You ignored all my emails and calls. I was so desperate to talk to you that I even attempted to get a last minute flight back here. I realized I didn't have the money for a new ticket, and I didn't want to tell my parents, so I took on a waitressing job. But when I'd saved enough, it just…it seemed like a wasted effort. I really thought you didn't want to speak to me ever again. It hurt me. So, I tried to forget you."

She'd almost come back? What would've happened if she'd returned after I'd cut off contact? Would our friendship have been whole again?

My hands itched to grab hers that were at her sides. Old feelings were beginning to resurface, and there was nothing I could do about it. Around Bella, it was as natural as breathing.

"Did you forget me?" I asked, not wanting to know the answer, but desperately needing to.

I didn't know how or why, but suddenly, her arms were around my waist, and her face was pressed against my chest. I breathed in deeply, trying to keep myself together, but not doing a good job. Not allowing myself to over think it, I fully embraced her, hugging her to me, my fingers winding into her silky hair to hold her head to my racing heart.

This was the best feeling in the world to me in this moment. I knew I probably wasn't forgiven, and rightly so, but she was willing to give me a chance. We used to always give each other chances, no matter what the argument or fight was. In this case, giving me a chance was like finding a cave of gold.

"I missed you all the time, you big idiot," she said, half sobbing, half chuckling.

I held her tighter to me, needing to know that this was real. That she was back in my life. I wouldn't think about tomorrow or the day after. For now, this was all that mattered.

"Thank you for coming home," I whispered, more to myself than her.

We stayed wrapped up in each other for a little while longer, until we realized we probably looked weird, hugging on a sidewalk after midnight. As we continued our walk, we began to loosen up a bit, our conversation turning more casual than before. We needed the break for a while.

"Newton's Olympic Outfitters?" she questioned with a scowl in reaction to telling her my job. "Please tell me Mike isn't still around."

I chuckled. "Not that much anymore. He moved to the east coast."

"Wise choice. Let's hope he stays over there," she said, and I smiled at her threatening words. There was a time I used to be afraid she still had feelings for him. Apparently, not anymore. "But you're manager. That's awesome."

I shrugged noncommittally. "It's okay. It's not exactly something I pictured doing in my life." I realized when she was quiet that I caused the conversation to become another pity session for me, so I knew I had to quickly change the subject. "So, an actress, huh?"

That hadn't helped, either. She seemed more upset now. "Yeah, guess so," she replied unenthusiastically.

"I never knew you wanted to be one."

"I never thought about it, really. But being out in LA, everyone was an actress, model, or singer. It was just something I fell into." She sighed. "But…I think I'm done for a while."

I furrowed my brow. "Why?"

She stopped walking and looked back in the direction we came from. "Maybe we should go back. I'm kinda getting cold."

I supposed that meant she didn't want to continue on with the conversation. Nevertheless, we returned back to her house, remaining silent the rest of the way. I knew I'd have to say goodnight to her…but I didn't want to.

"So…" I started warily as we approached her front door. "I guess I'll see you some other time?"

"Yeah, or you could come up to my room..." she darted her eyes "…if you want, that is."

Butterflies were swirling around in my stomach. I hadn't been in her room in so long. I couldn't deny, I very much wanted to go in there…especially if that meant lying with her on that small bed of hers.

"Okay," I found myself saying.

We crept through the house quietly, trying not to make too much noise and wake up her parents. I followed her into her bedroom, and my eyes roamed around. Nothing had changed. At all. It was like she'd left her entire past in here when she left. Even though she was so different now and seemed like she wouldn't fit with this room, in a way, she sort of did.

She shut the door, slipped off her shoes, and crawled back under the covers. I did the same with my sneakers and joined her on top of the blankets. I lay on my side, facing her, but kept a small distance between us. Her eyes closed for the briefest of moments, before they opened and focused on me.

"I didn't really know what I was getting into when I auditioned for _Malibu Beach_," she started. "It all happened so fast. One second I was at an open casting, next I was getting a call back, then I got the show, and it was picked up.

"At first, it was great. Something new, you know? Something to do. I spent so much time on and off set with the cast, and they almost became like my second family. We all did everything together. Victoria, who plays Autumn on the show, she and I became fast friends. I told her everything about me there was to know."

I couldn't help but feel a little saddened that she'd replaced me so easily, but then again, I hadn't really given her a choice.

"We were all shocked the show lasted past the first season," she continued, "and even more so that it was insanely popular. I still can't get over that, actually. Suddenly, I was known and everyone wanted to be in my life." She sighed. "Some of these things I'm not allowed to talk about, because I signed a non-disclosure agreement."

I frowned, because I wanted her to tell me everything about her life, even though for the longest time it hurt to even hear one shred of news about her. "You don't have to tell me," I assured.

She shook her head. "I want to. I trust you," she said, and continued. "I met Riley through the show. He played Brendan, who was described to me as my slow burn love interest." I tried not to tense at the mention of Riley. I feared I already knew where this was going. "Anyway, he and I became involved off-camera. He was charming, fun, and we spent so much time together that it almost seemed natural for us to be in a relationship. And it was. We liked each other a lot.

"Somewhere along the way, things became stale between us. It started to show on-screen, too, which was awful. We talked about breaking up, but the network pretty much forced us to stay together, for ratings sake. Apparently, us together in real life meant more people were tuning in to get an idea how we were off-screen from our on-screen relationship, which gave absolutely no indication whatsoever, if I'm being honest.

"We were close to wrapping up the filming of the fourth season, when I walked into Riley's dressing room one day and saw Victoria and him practically having sex on the couch. I was so pissed—not at Riley, but at _her_." Her tone grew venomous. "I trusted her. I told her _everything_. She knew Riley and I were only together for the public's sake, but she just had to try something with him. Riley wasn't even her type.

"It was then that I realized how phony she and everyone in LA are. They're only out for themselves. Victoria wasn't even remorseful; in fact, she went to the executive producer of the show, who happens to be her dad, and convinced him to make Brendan and Autumn the new _it_ couple in season five." She huffed. "Autumn is supposed to be with _Huck_, not Brendan! It was unbelievable, and I was stuck with some bogus storyline about finding myself.

"I didn't like me or the fans being shoved aside for Victoria's manipulations, so I went to the producers and gave them an ultimatum—either they returned the couples to what they were before, or I wasn't signing on next season." She exhaled through her nose slowly. "The next week, when I saw the new version of the season finale script, I knew they'd decided to let me go—or maybe Victoria manipulated that, as well. Who knows? Either way, I was so heartbroken, and filming that final scene…all I wanted to do was run away."

I took her hand that was resting on top of the blanket, needing to comfort her, and wound my fingers with hers. "Is that why you came here?" I questioned.

"Kind of," she said. "I needed to get out of LA, but I also wanted to feel something real." Her eyes stared glassily into mine. "You were more real to me than everyone in LA put together. The whole way here, all I could think about was you."

She came back here…for me? "You said you didn't want to be my friend."

"That's 'cause I didn't think you'd want to be…but I do," she whispered, and brought her hand up to my face, stroking my cheek. I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling calmed by her touch. "I'm so tired."

"Do you want me to go?" _Please say no. _

"No." Her eyes fluttered shut, and her hand stilled on my cheek.

I took her hand and brought it down between us, refusing to let go. How was it possible that after six years, all she had to do was come back into town, and I was falling for her again? She had a hold of my heart now. Maybe she always had.

X-X-X-X

There was something mildly heavy on me, which caused my eyes to open. As soon as my vision adjusted, I realized Bella's face was an inch away from mine. I remembered one time right after high school when she was this close, and I'd flinched away nervously. Now, I definitely wasn't flinching.

"Hi," she whispered, the corners of her mouth turning up.

"Hey," I replied, my eyes darting all around her stunning face.

She skimmed her fingertips along my cheek, feeling the rough stubble there. "I like this," she spoke, and slowly dragged a finger down to my jaw, drawing a path to my chin. When she traced around my lips, my heartbeat picked up. Her eyes were filled with something I'd never seen from her before, something I was feeling right now as I stared at her pouty mouth.

The pad of her index finger pressed to my lips. I kissed it gently, reverently, not even thinking about my actions; just going on instinct. She didn't move, so I did it again and peppered slow, gentle kisses down her finger, coming to her knuckles. I brushed my lips over each of them, never once breaking eye contact.

Her breath was picking up, and I was growing hard.

Wanting more, I darted my tongue out, wetting the salty skin over the pulse of her wrist. She let out a breathy moan, giving me more incentive to continue. I moved her hand away and pushed my fingers into her messy hair. Enough. I needed her mouth on mine.

There was suddenly a knock on the door.

"Quick, hide!" Bella whisper-yelled, and swiftly moved off me.

Panicked, I flew off the bed and hid on the ground, out of sight from the door. I was panting loudly, so I tried to hold my breath. Great, I was lying on the floor of Bella's room, with an erection.

"Come in," Bella called casually, sounding unfazed. Damn, she was good. I would probably be a nervous wreck if I was in her position.

The door creaked open. "Morning, honey," Mrs. Swan greeted. "Whenever you're ready, there's—"

I furrowed my brow, wondering why she stopped speaking.

"Edward, I can see your legs," Mrs. Swan said dryly.

My eyes went wide.

_Busted. _

I slowly stood, glad that my boner had relaxed enough not to show through my pajama pants. She was looking at me from the doorway with a raised eyebrow. "Morning, Mrs. Swan," I mumbled nervously, and took a quick glance at Bella, whose face was clearly that of someone guilty. So much for being an actress.

"What were you two doing?" Mrs. Swan questioned, now looking at Bella.

"We were just talking, Mom," she answered.

Not exactly true, but okay. It wasn't like I wanted her mother to know what I would've done to her daughter this morning…in her childhood bed.

Mrs. Swan didn't seem convinced. "Breakfast is downstairs…" she looked back at me "…for the both of you, I guess." She turned to leave, but I thought I saw the corners of her mouth turn up before she shut the door.

Bella exhaled and grinned up at me.

Mrs. Swan's waffles were great. At the kitchen table, Bella and I went down memory lane, talking about some fun times we had once upon a time. Her bright, infectious laugh was just as I remembered. She even told me about her experiences in Los Angeles, which I found myself actually listening to with no hint of envy in the least. I was glad she'd enjoyed being out there, but I was even more glad she was home.

My thoughts often strayed to what had happened up in her room. The idea of her being attracted to me was something I wanted to shout to the world about. But was it solely sexual attraction for her? Perhaps she was just lonely and vulnerable after everything that she went through recently.

Though I wasn't sure about her, I was positive about myself. I was still in love with her. Still so damn in love with her, that I couldn't believe I'd wasted all that time not telling her before she'd left for LA. But this time…she was going to know.

After breakfast, I realized I didn't want to tell her in my pajamas, with her mom standing a few feet away, so I decided to head home. Bella walked me to the door.

"Can I see you later today?" I asked, once we were outside.

"My parents are taking me to see my grandmother in Bellingham. I won't be back until tomorrow."

"Oh," I said sadly. "Well, what about tomorrow, then? I have work, but I get off at around six."

She smiled. "Can I stop by the store? I'd like to see the camping gear."

I chuckled. "Sure, if you want."

"Okay," she replied, and her eyes darted to the side. Rapidly, her smile fell, her face paling.

Instead of asking what was wrong, I looked where her line of sight was. My eyes went wide in horror. Gianna was leaning against her car, staring at us with an expression of hurt and anger.

Shit. What the hell was I doing? I'd completely forgotten about Gianna, who was my_ girlfriend_. The girlfriend who was committed to me, regardless of the distance. The girlfriend who I'd told I loved. And now, I was so wrapped up in Bella being back, I'd lost sight of the life I'd built in her absence.

My eyes shot to Bella, who seemed so sad now. She knew about Gianna. She had to; otherwise, her reaction wouldn't be like this.

Fuck, I was a dick.

Nothing had happened between Bella and me, but something would have if we hadn't been interrupted by her mother. I would've cheated on Gianna. In a heartbeat. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Bella, I…" My voice trailed, unsure of what to say.

"I gotta go," she said, and went back into the house. Before she closed the door she gave me a meaningful look that I understood. With that one look, everything suddenly made sense.

Hesitantly, I walked across the front lawn and over to Gianna, who was now standing on the sidewalk.

"I can't even believe this," she said, her voice cracking slightly.

"What can't you believe?" I questioned hesitantly, feeling like shit.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You were supposed to pick me up at nine, so we could go to my mother's grave. It's now almost noon."

"Shit…Gi, I'm so, _so_ sorry," I said almost pleadingly. I was such a dumbass. It had been important for her to take me to her mom's grave. I'd been waking up next to Bella, when I should've been driving out to Seattle. "I just—"

"Forgot?" she finished, tears welling up in her eyes. Damnit…I was making her cry. "You know, when you didn't come, I called, but you weren't even answering your phone. I was so worried about you that I decided to drive down and see if you were okay. Emmett said you were at your mom's, so when I came here, and I saw you coming out of _her_ house…"

"Honestly, Gi, I didn't—" I tried to salvage, until she cut me off.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Funny how she's back, and suddenly, you just forget. You never missed one single Friday to watch that show, did you?"

My expression turned baffled. She knew I watched _Malibu Beach_? I was sure I'd never told her that. In fact, I was certain all I'd ever said was Fridays were nights I spent with my family.

"Don't think I didn't know you were watching it because of her," she sobbed, full-on crying now. I didn't know what to say, so I stood there, watching her break down. She sniffled. "Do you love me?"

"Yes," I answered automatically. Of course I loved her. She was one of the few people I'd ever opened up to.

"Do you love her?" she questioned shakily.

My eyes fell to the floor. I couldn't admit to my own girlfriend that I was in love with another woman. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't want to know.

"I always suspected you loved her," she said softly, her voice gravelly. "Even though you were with me, there seemed to be some part of you that was never fully there. And now, I know I was right." She opened her car door, refusing to look at me any further. "Goodbye, Edward. And don't come after me."

Watching her drive away from me was something I never thought would happen. I felt like the worst human being alive for hurting her, but many of the things she said was right. There was a part of me that was never here. That part had been in LA with the girl I'd lost years ago. The girl that was now back.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Poor Gianna got the short end of the stick. He tried, but as my pre-reader said to me, the heart wants what it wants. **

**Now you know that Bella is back because A. she was fired, and B. she thinks people in LA are fake. Even though she gave the producers an ultimatum and threatened to quit, they beat her to the punch by firing her, AKA writing her out of the show. Harsh. Ahh, Hollywood. Anyway, most of you kinda got it, so congrats!**

**I forgot to m****ention in my last updat****e that my oth****er story, My P****erf****ect Mr. Imp****erf****ect, won an Inspir****ed Award for B****est Angst. I know a lot of you cross****ed ov****er from th****er****e, so thank you so much for voting. I was a littl****e surpris****ed to hav****e won, giv****en th****e fact that I wouldn't classify MPMI as angsty, but I know th****er****e ar****e som****e parts that cut d****e****ep. Again, thanks!  
**

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


	10. Contrast

**A/N:**

**The "meaningful look" Bella gave Edward in the last chapter was the subject of many questions I received. Like I told most of you, it's up for interpretation, but she was **_**not**_** mad. In their youth, they were extremely close, and even though they were apart longer than together, that kind of bond never leaves you. And as lovely as Gianna is, the relationship she had with him sort of paled in comparison. Maybe that'll help you understand the look better.**

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx.

* * *

**

**CHAPTER TEN  
*CONTRAST***

I tried calling Gianna a few times. I didn't like how things ended, and after the year we spent together, I owed it to her to apologize; however, she wasn't answering my calls. I gave up after the fifth attempt, needing to close up the store so I could go home.

"So, it's over for good?" Emmett asked me as we waited for the last of the customers to leave.

"Yeah, it is," I answered.

"She was up all last night with Rose, crying. You must've hurt her real bad."

I sighed, feeling miserable with myself. "I did."

"You know, if you still love Gi, I could get her to talk to you," he offered. "Maybe there's still a chance for you guys."

"No," I said firmly.

"You don't want her back?" he asked, baffled. I didn't want to answer that, because in truth, I had no desire to get back together with her, and that made me feel worse. "Rose told me you broke up 'cause of that girl you used to be friends with in high school."

I nodded wordlessly in response.

"Man, that's messed up," Emmett remarked. "You didn't cheat on Gi, did you?"

"No." Unless kissing Bella's fingers counted as cheating. And knuckles. And wrist. Shit...

"Are you in love with that Andy chick?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Andy?" I questioned.

He rolled his eyes. "Rose forces me to watch that _Malibu Beach_ crap with her all the time." I couldn't help but smile. "So, are you?"

"Yeah," I answered with confidence. "I love her."

The last of the customers were finally leaving, and we were getting ready to close, when in walked Mike Newton. Crap…didn't the stupid douchebag know we were closing?

"Oh, I'm sorry. Were you guys closing up?" he asked cockily, definitely not sorry at all. He walked over to the counter and hopped up to sit.

"You go close up, I'll handle him," I said to Emmett, and he walked away.

"What do you want, Newton?" I asked, wishing I could just pound his head in with the nearest fishing rod.

"So, I heard someone's back," he said with a smirk. "Wanna guess who?"

I suppressed a groan. He always had to bring up Bella. "Tupac?" I questioned sarcastically.

He ignored me. "Bella Swan." He smiled, as if he'd won the biggest prize. "I think we both know why she's back."

"And why is that?"

"Me, of course. Why else?"

I wanted to laugh at this joker. "You think she's back for you?"

"I _know_ she's back for me," he spoke, and hopped down from the counter. "Tonight, I'm gonna go to her parent's house, maybe take her out to dinner, then we'll go to her room and make out on her bed like we used to." He chuckled sardonically. "Actually, from what I remember, I'm sure she'd be down for a lot more than just that."

I wasn't amused now. Like hell he was going to even put his douchey lips and body parts anywhere near her.

"Edward," I heard Emmett call out from the front of the store. "Got someone here for you. Sending her back where you are."

_Her? _

Bella suddenly came into sight, walking directly to me with a wary expression. I was surprised to see her. I wasn't sure if she would come after the whole Gianna thing yesterday.

Her eyes focused on Mike, and a scowl briefly crossed her face.

"Bella," Mike greeted happily, and quickly brought her into a hug.

Her arms were stiff at her sides. "Mike, hey…" she replied, and pulled away from him. "Wow, long time no see."

"Yeah," he said, and eyed her up and down. "Damn, you look good."

My nostrils flared, and my hands balled into fists.

"Uh, thanks," Bella murmured, looking down at herself. She was just wearing fitted jeans and a thin, white tank, but I had to admit, she looked beautiful.

"And you're all famous and stuff, huh?"

She cleared her throat, seeming uncomfortable. "I'm just a part of a successful show, that's all."

"So, listen," Mike started, ignoring what she said and moving a little closer to her. "I was thinking tonight we'd—"

"Sorry, Mike, but I need to speak with Edward right now," she interrupting quickly, and walked off abruptly.

I assumed I was supposed to follow her. Mike glared at me, so I gave him a triumphant smile, before he stalked away.

Bella was standing in the camping and hiking aisle, waiting for me. She was looking closely at something in her hand. "What is this?" she questioned, holding up a small device.

"That's an electric compass."

She set it carefully on the shelf and regarded me. "So, your friend, Emmett…he's nice."

"Oh, you met him?"

"Yeah, we talked for a little bit when I came in here."

"Ah," I said, curious as to what exactly they talked about.

"He told me you've been pretty down today," she said, and paused for a moment. "I hope everything's okay with you and your girlfriend."

I tried to decipher what she was feeling, but her face was expressionless. "Ex-girlfriend," I corrected. "She broke up with me."

Her eyes drifted to the side, and she began fiddling with the handle of an LED lantern. "Oh…"

"It was mutual, though," I assured. "I would've broken up with her, anyway."

She looked back at me. "Why?" she asked so vulnerably that I wanted to wrap her in my arms.

I chuckled, though not out of humor. "Bella, if you even have to ask that after—"

"No, I know why," she said, a smile forming. She took a step toward me. "I'm sorry about Gianna."

My eyes were locked on hers as I closed the remaining distance between us. "I'm sorry about Riley."

Her hands pressed to my chest. "I'm not," she admitted.

I watched as her lips parted. "Me neither," I said, and dipped my head down to press my mouth to hers. When I was a teenager, I used to imagine her lips felt soft, and now I had it confirmed.

She responded immediately, stretching up on her toes to deepen the kiss. One of my hands was buried deep in her long hair, while the other grasped selfishly onto the back of her tank top, bringing her body more into mine. I was sure she could feel how turned on she made me.

"Oh, oops, my bad."

Emmett.

Only our faces pulled away as we looked in the direction of his voice, but he wasn't in the aisle anymore.

"Hey, man, I just need the keys so I can lock the front doors," he instructed from the next aisle over.

I groaned and grabbed the keys from my back pocket, making sure to keep my other hand in Bella's hair. I tossed the keys over the top of the aisle, and a loud crash filled the store. My guess was Emmett had tried to catch it and fell over the merchandise.

Bella's giggle brought me back to her. Not caring about Emmett's well-being, I captured her lips again, more gently this time, savoring this opportunity. I'd wanted so many times to kiss her when we were teens, and now, I actually was. It was surreal.

She was the one to pull back first, but didn't go far. Our foreheads pressed together, allowing us to catch up on our breathing.

"I wish you could've come with me," she whispered. "There were so many things I wanted to experience with you."

"Me, too, but you know I couldn't have," I replied, and planted kisses down the side of her face until I got to her neck. She moaned softly as my tongue traced a circle over her skin.

She dug her fingers into my hair, scratching my scalp lightly. "I should've stayed."

I stopped instantly and moved back to look at her. "No. You needed to go." She would've been miserable here.

Her expression crumbled. Now, the moment had been ruined, because of me. "See, this is the kind of stuff that made me think you didn't want me here."

I sighed, dropping my hands to my sides. "I couldn't condemn you to my shitty circumstance. It wouldn't have been fair."

"_Condemn _me?" she asked incredulously. Her expression turned to anger.

Wasn't it just a second ago we were kissing? Now, everything was tense again.

"Yes, condemn you," I confirmed.

"Who the hell are you to decide something like that?" she questioned. "It was my life, and I could've done whatever I wanted. But I left because I thought you wanted me gone. It seemed like you wanted space from me. And then when you stopped emailing me, that just confirmed it even more." She shook her head and began taking steps back, away from me, looking as if something was snapping into place. "I would've stayed, Edward. I just wanted you to _want_ me to stay."

As she walked out of the aisle, I grasped onto my hair, pulling on the roots. She had gone to LA because she was convinced I didn't want her here. I'd thought I was doing something good for her, giving her what she wanted. I never dreamed that she would've actually wanted to stay with me, given the choice.

All these years, we could've been together, but instead, we were apart, because of my irrational ideas on what her happiness should've entailed.

I followed after her, but by the time I got to the parking lot, her SUV was driving off.

Instead of going home after work, I went to check in with my mom and sister. I told them both that Gianna and I were over. Neither seemed too upset, though Alice said she liked her and would miss her. Mom was smiling all over the place, making me suspicious.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked her.

"Oh, don't act like you don't know," she said, and when I gave her a questioning look, she continued. "You and Bella."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Wait a second…were you trying to set us up all those times you called me for dinner?"

She chuckled. "Not set you up romantically, but I did have hopes for you two reconciling. You both are so stubborn, and it was about time you became friends again. If your friendship turns into something else, well, even better."

"You're dating Andy?" Alice inquired.

"Alice," I scolded. "Please don't call her that."

"Oh, oops. Slip of the tongue," she said, realizing her mistake, and smiled. "So, are you?"

I sighed. "No, we're not." Not yet, at least, since she was probably still mad at me. "But I need to go talk to her, so I'll see you later."

"I wanna come," Alice said enthusiastically, following me to the front door.

"No, I'm going alone."

"It's not like you can stop me," she spoke, and quickly rushed outside ahead of me.

I groaned, but knew I couldn't stop her. She was going through a defiant stage right now.

"Bree is having a party this weekend. She wants me to ask Bella to come. You think she will?" Alice asked, walking along side of me.

"Absolutely not, Alice," I reprimanded. "You're not going to ask her anything like that, understand? She's not here to hang out with fifteen year old fan girls."

She pouted. "It's just one little party. Plus, Bella and I are best friends."

"You are not!" I shouted, aggravated.

"Sure we are," she giggled, and skipped ahead to Bella's house. She was saying this stuff just to piss me off; I sure of it.

Alice knocked on the door, before I could do it. After a few moments, Bella answered. She refused to look at me, opting to regard Alice.

"Hey, kiddo," Bella greeted, feigning a smile. "What a surprise."

"Hi, Bella," Alice replied, and cast me a sideways glance. "My mom wanted me to tell you and your family to come over for dinner again."

I rolled my eyes. Alice was up to no good. I hadn't heard Mom say anything like that to her.

"Oh, that's sweet. My dad will most likely be working, but I think my mom and I can make it."

"Awesome," Alice said with a grin. "Well, I gotta go. Bye!" She quickly dashed away, not giving Bella a chance to say anything back. Little runt.

I cleared my throat, knowing I needed to fix the tension between us. "Is your mom home right now?" I asked.

She crossed her arms in front of her, wearing a stony expression "She's in the living room."

"Do you want to come to my place? Maybe we can talk there."

When she hadn't replied, I thought she would turn me down, but she nodded and went back inside, leaving the front door open. I assumed she was going to tell her mother where she was going, so I decided to quickly move my car out of my driveway and outside of her house.

The drive over was quiet, but I didn't want to have any sort of serious conversation without being able to properly look at her.

After I opened the front door of my modest, two bedroom apartment, and we went in, her eyes began roaming all around.

"Well, this is where I live," I said. "And Emmett, too." It was no fancy loft, like I was sure she had, but it was my home.

"I like it," she spoke softly, looking at the pinball machine in the corner of the living room.

"That's not mine. That's Emmett's," I assured, embarrassed. "His bedroom is ten times worse. It's like a nine year old's room."

She chuckled. "He seems pretty cool," she replied, and finally turned to me.

I stared at her, forgetting why I brought her here in the first place. She played with a lock of her hair absentmindedly. When had she picked up this habit? I hated that I didn't know everything there was to know about her anymore. There was a whole six years of separation between us. I had a lot of catching up to do.

"Uh…do you want me to show you around?" I offered.

"Sure," she replied.

The apartment wasn't too big, and the tour didn't take long at all. We avoided Emmett's room, thankfully, and ended up at my room last.

"This is mine," I notified, and pushed the door open.

She went in, not shy about exploring my room. It wasn't much. I mean, I wasn't a decorator or anything, but I had managed to make it my own, with pictures of me and my family, including loads of Dad.

She assessed each one, until she got to a picture that had Alice, me, and herself in it from around the beginning of our sophomore year in high school. I hadn't kept any pictures of Bella and me, just because the reminder was always too painful, but this particular picture represented simpler days.

"I remember this," she said, pointing to the picture. "We went to the park and Alice got stung by a bee. She screamed the whole way home."

I snorted. "Yeah, I think she was more shocked than in pain."

Once Bella got her fill of analyzing my belongings, she sighed and sat on my queen sized bed, looking in thought.

"You said earlier that you wanted me to want you to stay," I began, leaning against my desk for support. "The truth is…I did want you to go." She shook her head, appearing upset. "But not because I wanted to get rid of you or because I wanted space from you. I just wanted you to live an exciting life. I couldn't let you sacrifice a happy future just because my dad died."

"Yeah, but I would've been happy here," she spoke indignantly.

"That's not true. I saw you when our school friends started going off to college. You seemed so upset that you were stuck here."

She shook her head. "I was upset for you, not for me. You were scaring me," she admitted. "Sometimes, you were really happy around me, and other times, you looked so depressed. I didn't know what to do for you."

I frowned. "But what about that time your parents wanted you to go to school in Seattle? You said you had stuff to think about."

She began picking at the blanket. "There was just something I realized that night…that's all." Okay, something she didn't want to talk about. "I just wanted us to stay together, no matter what."

I was growing frustrated. "I don't understand, Bella. You have a good life. You're a TV star, for heaven's sake. What the hell do I matter? I'm _nothing_."

"What do you mean you're nothing?" she questioned angrily, and stood from the bed, her temper flaring on a dime. "You're _everything_. You've been everything since ninth grade!"

My eyes went wide and my heart took off at her admission. Did that mean…? "What?" I asked in a breath.

"But it hasn't been the same without you," she continued, ignoring my reaction. "You made me happy, unlike anyone in my entire life."

I shook my head disbelievingly and walked to my closet. Inside, I reached to the top shelf and brought down a shoebox I'd kept there since I'd moved in. I walked over to her and spilled the contents of the box on top of the made bed. All the pictures Bella had given me. Each one showed how great a time she had in LA, so I _knew_ she was full of it.

"You kept my pictures?" she asked in a whisper. "I didn't think you…"

I picked up one of her at a party with some girls. "Look. You're happy here." I dropped it and picked up another of her having a good time with a random guy. "Here, too." And another. "Here." Another. "Here." I tossed the pictures roughly, growing angrier by the second. "You're smiling in _all_ these pictures. So, don't give me that shit and say you weren't happy." I could feel my old bitterness resurfacing. I was upset that she had a life without me in it and was denying that fact.

She grabbed a bunch of pictures and held them up to my face. "These are happy?" she questioned loudly. "These are fake smiles!" She threw the pictures on the bed. "They're fucking fake!" Her eyes were blazing as they glowered into mine. "After years of being best friends, you never knew when my smiles were real and when they weren't?" Tears started to well up in her eyes. "Maybe not, because you only ever got to see one kind of smile—my true smile. So, don't you dare tell me I was happy. You don't know anything. You don't even care about me."

Enraged that she would suggest such a thing, I grabbed the sides of her face and pulled her roughly to me. Her breath hitched, taken aback, not only at my anger, but at our sudden nearness.

"You think I don't care?" I asked, my tone low and rough. "If I didn't care, I wouldn't have watched you."

"You…you watched me?" she questioned in a whisper.

"Every Friday," I answered, and slammed my mouth down on hers, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from her. She responded instantly, her lips moving feverishly with mine. My hands were gripping the sides of her head, angling it to deepen the kiss. Her tongue came out first, and I welcomed it. The tiny, barely audible moans escaping her were driving me crazy.

I wanted more of her. Right now. Six years was far too long to have been separated from her.

Pulling away abruptly, I tried to shove all the pictures off the bed, but it was taking too long, so I ripped the blanket from the corners and threw it aside. In a flash, she was on the bed with me on top of her, every hard part of me molding to her body.

"I've wanted you for so long," I breathed, kissing across her cheek.

Her fingers wove through my hair, and she released an airy moan. "Me, too," she uttered.

Emboldened by her words, I slid down her slender body and pushed up the front of her tank. That was when I saw a small, black, tattooed star on each of her hip bones. My eyes were glued to them, remembering her telling me ages ago when she'd gotten them tattooed. Shit, they were sexy as hell.

"I like these," I rasped, and pressed my mouth to one of them. "What do they mean?"

She chuckled. "They mean a drunken night with my cousins."

I smiled against the inked star. "Would've loved to have seen that," I murmured. My tongue came out, making lazy circles around it, and dragged up higher and higher, leaving a wet trail as I pushed the tank past her breasts.

She was wearing a burgundy lace bra that showed her hardened, pink nipples. I pressed my mouth to her ample cleavage once before I pulled a cup down and sucked her nipple into my mouth. Her little moans spurred me on, making me scrape my teeth gently over it.

"God, Edward," she sighed in pleasure. "Don't tease me."

I stopped and looked up at her through heavy-lidded eyes. "You don't want to be teased?" I asked with a hint of a smile, to which she didn't respond, except to give me a lusty look. "Fine."

Wasting no more time, I straddled her hips and reached over my head to tug off my shirt. I threw it into the far corner of the room.

"Sit up," I demanded, and she obeyed. Her shirt was off in a second, followed by my fingers making quick work of her bra. She wanted this to go fast, I could do that. Besides, I needed her too badly to praise her right now. I would—later.

"That's more like it," she all but growled, greedily running her hands up my naked stomach.

I gave her bare breasts a firm grope before I popped open my jeans button. Her fingers unzipped me at the same time, and together, we pushed the denim down to my ankles in a rush, before I kicked them to the side. She palmed me roughly through my boxers, causing me to grunt deep in my chest.

_Holy fucking shit_. I was surprised at how forward she was, not that I didn't like it. I just had always pictured her being innocent; however, she was _far _from that.

Before I knew it, my boxers were around my knees, and my dick was in her mouth. My hands went to the back of her head, trying to do two things—keep her from going too fast so I didn't bust my load, and wanting to push her further down my cock so that I could bust my load. I wasn't sure which I wanted, but the rational part of me yearned to be inside of her when I did that.

When her tongue came out to swirl around the tip, I pushed against her shoulders to lie back. I reached down and wrapped my hands around the backs of her legs. In a swift movement, I yanked her directly to the edge of the mattress and settled her ankles against my shoulders.

"Undo your jeans," I ordered.

She flicked the button open, unzipped, and lifted her ass off the bed. Her jeans were skin tight as she pushed them down to her knees. Since she couldn't push further, I did the rest for her, tugging them off roughly. Her lacy underwear was the next to go, bringing me that much closer to where I wanted to be.

Looking down at her, gloriously naked before me, she was the angel and the devil all in one, and I wanted her desperately.

I pressed a kiss to each of her ankles, lingering a bit, and then reached into my nightstand drawer for a condom. I tore the wrapper apart and eagerly slid the latex down my length.

"Ready?" I asked with a smirk.

She raised her arms above her head and gripped onto the edge of the mattress. "Definitely," she responded, her lust-filled gaze piercing me and making my cock swell even more. "Do your worst."

I chuckled and positioned the head at her entrance. After coating myself in her slick wetness briefly, I pushed into her until I was buried all the way inside.

"Shit," she gasped, her eyes squeezing shut. "Move out and back in me again, but harder this time."

I did as she requested—pulled out until just the tip was left in her and then slammed all the way inside her, gaining a sharp gasp from her. She felt amazing—tight and warm. I could've stayed here forever. But damn, I wanted to feel what it was like to release inside of her. It was like all my wet dreams were coming true.

A rhythm began to build, and soon, I was pounding her over and over again, watching as her tits bounced and her knuckles turned white from holding tightly onto the mattress. One of her hands came down, and she began playing with herself.

Goddamn…

I had to avert my eyes, not wanting to come so soon at the sight. Instead, I licked and sucked on her beautiful, long legs, loving how smooth they felt on my tongue and against my hands.

Needing to be closer to her, I kept her legs against my chest, but bent over her and positioned my forearms by her head. My actions were slower, but deeper, really wanting to feel what the new position had to offer. She was _very_ vocal about how much she loved it.

"Make yourself come, Bella. I'm not going to last long," I rasped above her sweet face that was contorted in desire.

She didn't answer, concentrating on herself instead. Our eyes locked, and that was all she needed to clamp down around me, causing me to push inside her faster and harder.

"God!" she cried, throwing her head back.

She was a vision, and I was abundantly aware that the passionate look on her face was because of me alone.

She panted, as if she'd been holding her breath, and dropped her limp legs to my sides. I stopped moving, allowing her to rest.

"That was…" she breathed, "unlike anything I'd imagined."

I smiled and brought my lips to hers. We kissed and explored each other's mouths for a few minutes, until I remembered I was still ridiculously hard and inside of her.

"Wrap your legs around me," I requested in a whisper.

Her long legs felt amazing wound around me, bringing me closer to her. We began to move together as one with more meaningful strokes. My eyes closed while I placed small, adoring kisses up the side of her face. I couldn't believe we were actually here and doing this. It was everything I'd ever wanted.

Fingers lightly caressed my back, sending shivers up my spine. All that could be heard was the sound of our labored breaths and bodies meeting. She felt incredible, and I could feel my peak gradually nearing, whirling in the pit of my stomach and making me go faster to reach the end I needed.

I came into her, letting it take me over, momentarily blinding me. I saw stars…I saw her.

Basking in the afterglow, I pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. She turned her head and captured my mouth with hers. We lazily kissed, not wanting to move very far from each other right now. Not ever.

* * *

**A/N: **

**As many of you know, this is a novella, so the next chapter will be the last. I've enjoyed writing this piece and am so pleased it evoked such a strong, emotional reaction from you all. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. There's still more to cover in the next update.**

**Twitt****er****: xrxdanixrx**


	11. Merge

**A/N: **

**Yes, they had sex. Even with the fact that this is a short story, they still have a strong bond. It's not like they just met the day before. **

**Beta is Lindz26. Pre-reader is Dinx. Thank you both for sticking with me on this. I couldn't have done it without you.**

**Last chapter, y'all. **

* * *

**CHAPTER ELEVEN  
*MERGE***

Sometime later that night, I woke up with the photos still scattered around the bed and Bella wrapped around me. I could feel her deep breaths against my chest, and it kept me calm while I thought of what would happen when she left very soon.

I didn't want her to go. I was selfish in that respect. At the same time, she had this whole other life away from me. I couldn't just ask her to be with me here. What exactly would she do? _Well, besides me_, I thought with a smirk.

Her breath suddenly hitched sharply, and she lifted her head from my shoulder.

"Mmm," she groaned groggily, and opened one eye. "You're awake."

I chuckled and ran my hand up her bare back. "Yeah."

"Please don't tell me it's morning."

I looked over at the digital clock on my nightstand to see it was after midnight. "Technically, yes. It's ten past twelve."

"Yesss," she hissed in excitement, and closed her eyes. "More sleep."

I smiled and kissed her forehead. "Do you have somewhere to be early?"

"No. It's just that ever since wrapping up the show, I've enjoyed having more time to sleep. I had to be on set at six, and we'd spend the entire day there, up until late at night sometimes. Other times, I'd have press to do, which sucked."

"What kind of press?"

"Talk shows, magazine interviews, photo shoots with the cast, that sort of thing."

"Did you like doing all that stuff?" I questioned curiously.

She snorted. "No," she answered. "I liked talking about Andy, but never about myself."

I caressed her cheekbone, and her eyes fluttered open to meet mine. "Why not?"

"I enjoy my privacy. Plus, I'm not that interesting, to be honest."

"You're not?" I asked incredulously. "You're probably the most interesting person I know."

She chuckled and rested her chin on my chest. "Well, to you I'm interesting, to them I'm not. In their words, I'm 'just a small town girl who happened to make it big.'"

I scoffed. "Well, screw them."

She smiled. "That's why I prefer talking about Andy."

I could sense a touch of forlorn in her words. "Will you miss being her?"

Her smile fell into a frown, tugging at my heartstrings. "Yeah, a lot," she admitted. "I liked my job. It sucks that Victoria got her way. She doesn't even care about her character, or the show, or even the viewers. She was born into show business, and her dad practically handed the part to her on a golden platter."

I brushed some hair out of her face. "I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm not. If I had to spend another season with her, I would've torn out her stupid, curly red hair and donated it to _Locks of Love_."

I snorted. "She definitely has a lot of hair."

"It's a jungle," she said with a giggle. "And you, mister." She poked her finger hard into my chest, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "You watched me."

"Guilty," I admitted, heat rising up to my face. It wasn't manly of me at all to admit I watched a chick show. In my defense, I was watching for Bella, but still…

"Every time an episode aired, I wondered if you were watching, but I convinced myself you would never."

I rolled my eyes. "Then you don't know me at all."

"Apparently, I don't, because I was sure we'd be friends forever."

I sighed sadly. "I'm really sorry about that," I said with emotion. "I hope we can be again."

She grinned and brought her mouth to my neck. "I hope we can be more than that." She kissed and licked my neck for a few moments, until she suddenly hopped up to her knees and looked at me with excitement. "Come with me."

I raised an eyebrow. "Where?" I questioned.

"Back home—to my home."

I thought about that for a moment. The idea was…well, it was amazing, more than I could dream of, but…it just wasn't a possibility for me. "I want to, believe me, but I can't."

She frowned momentarily; however, she seemed determined. "Of course you can."

I shook my head. "I've got work, Bella. Not to mention, Alice and Mom need me."

She lay back down, resting her head on my shoulder. "It's been years, Edward. Your mom seems fine, and Alice looks happy. Just think about it."

She didn't get it. Just because she'd been back a little over a week, didn't mean she suddenly understood my family and what they needed. "No," I replied firmly, making myself clear.

She huffed and rolled off me, resting on her back. I felt bad, so I turned on my side and proceeded to brush my fingertips over her naked stomach.

Her head turned to me, and she pursed her lips before looking straight up to the ceiling. "I have to go back in three days," she said.

A deep crease formed on my brow. "I thought you were staying a bit longer."

"Yeah, me, too, but my publicist called this afternoon and reminded me I have an interview and photo shoot with _Elle Magazine_. I completely forgot."

Publicist…interviews…photo shoots. It was hard to believe this was the same Bella Swan. Though she'd changed physically, it seemed her personality had never been altered. For that, I was glad.

"And…after that?" I asked. It was the question I feared an answer to the most.

"After that…" she paused "…I stay there." Her eyes sought mine, and I glanced away. "LA is my home now."

I nodded, understanding. I was afraid of her saying that, but it was truth. She belonged there.

"Anyway, let's not think about that," she said, her mood suddenly becoming more upbeat.

She moved on top of me and straddled my hips, right where we'd been joined for the second time hours before. Light kisses were showered down my body, until they stopped right where I wanted her the most. I closed my eyes, getting lost in her mouth and switching off my worried thoughts for now.

X-X-X-X

After work the next day, Bella wanted me to meet her at my mom's house, so I drove over there as soon as I could, instead of going with Emmett to the diner, like we normally would've. He understood when I told him Bella was only in town a couple more days.

I had no clue what that meant for us. Could we do a long distance thing? Would she come back to visit? My mind was racing with different scenarios, but I knew I couldn't be without her, even with the distance. I wouldn't allow myself to lose contact with her again.

The front door opened as I pulled into the driveway, and Bella came trotting out of the house. She looked anxious, which was exactly how I felt.

"Hi," she greeted with a big grin, threw her arms around my neck, and kissed me fervently.

I spun her around and pushed her against the car, molding my body to hers. Our tongues battled for dominance and our hands roamed freely. She pulled her face away with a smirk and ground her hips into mine, causing me to groan.

"Someone's excited to see me," she teased, my boner prominent between us.

"Very," I agreed, and practically attacked her neck with my lips and tongue.

"Ew, Edward! Stop doing that to Andy!" I heard Alice yell out somewhere behind me.

I moved away from Bella reluctantly and turned around to see my sister standing in the doorway. "Alice, stop calling her that!" I scolded.

She giggled and went back into the house.

I turned back to Bella apologetically. "I'm so sorry she called you Andy. I'm sure that's really annoying."

She laughed. "It's fine. I'm used to it," she assured. "But you're aware she's only doing that to annoy you, right? She knows my name."

I groaned. She was right. Alice was a little shit who enjoyed pushing my buttons. "Yeah, whatever."

Her expression suddenly turned serious. "Now, when we go inside, promise me you won't be mad."

I pinched my eyebrows together. "Why would I be mad?"

"I can't tell you just yet, but promise me you won't."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, but nodded. She took my hand and led me up the driveway and into the house, where my mom and Alice sat in the living room.

"Hey, guys. What's going on?" I questioned warily. This looked like a damn intervention or something. I didn't like it.

"Just hangin'," Alice replied, and flashed me her teeth.

I pointed my finger at her. "You're up to something."

"No, I am," Bella admitted, causing me to look at her in bewilderment. "I have a gift for you." She gave me an envelope and shifted on her feet as I opened it. My brow furrowed when I saw what was inside. "I traded in my first class ticket for two tickets in coach. I was lucky they weren't fully booked at the last minute."

"Bella," I reprimanded, and pushed the tickets back in the envelope. She knew exactly what I was going to say, so there was no need to speak the words.

"I get it," she said. "You don't want to leave them. But, Edward, they're fine with you going. This was your dream—to go and experience life. You can't just give that up."

"She's right," my mother chimed in.

"Mom," I sighed. She didn't know what she was saying.

"I had no idea you felt obligated to stay, sweetie," she started, and approached me. "I know my behavior might've been a factor, and I'm truly sorry for that. Things were rough for a while, but we would've dealt without you."

"Do you even know what the real cause of the accident was?" I blurted as a last ditch effort for them all to understand. This was a damaging secret I'd kept for years, and it would hurt her, but it was my only shot.

Her face remained warm and encouraging. "Alice told me."

My eyes immediately went to my sister. "You told her?" I asked, even though I already had been given the answer.

"A few years ago," Alice replied with a sorrowful frown I hadn't seen in a while from her. She used to hold so much guilt over Dad's death; however, I thought she was over it. Perhaps she never would be, which was another reason why she needed me here. I was the only one who knew how to comfort her.

"You've wanted this for ages," Mom spoke. "You should go and make the most of it."

"See? Your mom's okay with it," Bella said.

"Of course she's going to say that, Bella," I responded, frustrated. "But who took care of Alice while she was up in her room, crying?"

"Edward," Alice spoke sternly, placing her hands on her hips. "I'm fifteen years old. I can take care of myself."

"No, you can't," I replied, feeling everything crash down around me. "Dad would've never left this family. Ever."

The room was silent, apart from everyone's breathing. After a long moment, Alice came up to me and wrapped her arms around my torso.

"He did leave this family," she whispered. "And you're not Dad. You're my big brother, and you've been living your life as if you were him, but you're not."

I swallowed thickly. "Ali, I can't just up and leave you. It's too hard."

"You won't leave me. You'll be back." She pulled away, her eyes watery. "Mom and I have moved on. It's your turn now."

Everyone had gotten over Dad's death. Everyone but me. It made me feel weak. I didn't want to feel like this. I wished more than anything that I could find peace, like they had.

A warm hand pressed against my lower back as I remained still, my mind numb because of everyone's words. "They're round trip tickets," Bella spoke at my side. "You come for a week, stay with me, I show you LA, and you can decide."

"Decide what?" I questioned, my voice raspy.

"Decide if you want to stay there or come back here," she answered.

There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to go, but the thought was scary. It would be difficult leaving my family. In any case, I couldn't deny that this offer appealed me. Could I really turn it down? Would I regret it if I didn't do it? I already knew my answers, and it emboldened me. For the first time, in a long time, I felt excited over something.

"Okay," I agreed, not just to Bella, but to my sister and Mom.

"Really?" Bella asked, sounding surprised. She probably thought she'd have to work harder.

"Yeah, I'll go," I said, and in an instant, I was suffocated with hugs, squeals, and kisses. I closed my eyes and smiled, enjoying how happy they all were because of this, including me.

X-X-X-X

I spent the next day packing and organizing myself to go. I was finally getting to use some of the vacation days I'd earned at work, which was great. I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend them than with Bella.

She'd already packed and was now helping me by raiding my closet.

"You should bring this," Bella said, pulling out a black dress shirt. "Maybe we can go out to dinner some place nice, or I can take you to a high end club on Sunset."

I hoped that would be on the agenda. There was nothing more I wanted than seeing Bella in a sexy dress. Actually, scratch that, there was nothing more I wanted than having her naked in her own bed. With a smile on my face, I folded the shirt carefully and packed it in my suitcase.

"Oh, what about this?" Bella asked, snickering and holding up a dark green Speedo.

I smirked. "That's Emmett's."

"Ew!" she exclaimed, and flung it across the room. "Wait, why do you have it in your closet?"

I pondered that for a moment. "I have no idea."

She snorted and moved aside all the pairs of folded up boxers to sit down. "I can't believe you're actually coming. This is like a dream come true for me."

I stopped what I was doing and looked at her. Her saying things like that warmed me. I dipped my head down and brushed my lips over hers adoringly. "I'm not sure I would've been able to watch you leave me again, anyway," I admitted. If it had really come down to her going, I most likely would've gone insane and begged her to stay.

"That was a hard day," she spoke, and pouted. "I cried the entire flight."

I caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers, causing her beautiful eyes to close. "That day was when I knew."

Her inquisitive eyes opened delicately. "Knew what?"

The corners of my mouth turned up. She had no idea. "That I was in love with you."

She blinked several times, taking in what I said. "Is that past tense?" she asked, her voice quiet.

I shook my head slowly and traced a finger around her full, pink lips. "Present."

A small smile slowly appeared, which soon morphed into a wide grin. She reached up and yanked my head down, crashing her mouth to mine. I lost my balance and toppled on her. We fell onto the bed, laughing. When our laughter died, I rolled off her and onto my side.

"I knew before you," she gloated.

"Really?" Her words made my heart soar.

"It was the day my parents wanted me to consider going to college in Seattle. I realized that night I'd consider staying close by, because I loved you. And I still do."

I brought her into my arms, and she rested her head in the crook of my neck. If only we'd had the guts to tell each other. There would be no doubt we'd be in a different place right now. However, I didn't want to think of what ifs. All that mattered was she was giving me everything I wanted, not just a trip of a lifetime, but herself, as well.

X-X-X-X

On the day of our departure, for some reason, I felt the strong urge to visit my dad's grave. I usually only visited a couple times a year, so this was out of routine for me.

It wasn't even a question whether I took Bella with me. Of course I did. She was my everything. Plus, my dad had loved Bella like a second daughter and would've wanted her to visit. She was really appreciative of it, and along the way, we stopped off at the florist to buy a single white rose.

As I stood and stared at my dad's gravestone, moisture filled my eyes. I worried that he'd feel like I was abandoning not only my family, but him. I just hoped wherever he was, he understood that I needed to go on this adventure. I deserved it.

Bella stood back, allowing me space, but stayed close enough to assure me she was still here.

"Hey, Dad," I greeted, and squatted down to place the rose in front of his gravestone. "Bella finally came back. She was pretty mad at me, but we missed each other, and it didn't take long for us to tell one another how we truly felt. She knows I love her, Dad. And by some miracle, she loves me, too.

"She wants me to go home to LA with her, and I'm going." I sighed. "I don't want you to think I'm abandoning Mom or Alice. I think they'll be fine. They have been for a while. I've just been too blind to really see it.

"I hope you can understand that I have to go for myself, but I'll be back. So, don't worry about me. I promise I'll be safe." I stood, straightening my legs. "Take care, Dad. I'll think about you every day."

When I turned around, I saw Bella crying quietly. She wiped at her eyes and smiled as I approached her.

"It was nice seeing you, Mr. Cullen," she said.

I smiled, threw an arm around her shoulder, and pressed my lips to her temple. We walked away, and I felt freer than I ever had.

Bella's big SUV, which I found out was just an airport rental, was packed with our luggage. Our families wanted to see us off, so we swung by our old homes and waited for them to pile into their cars, except Alice, who decided she was going in our car.

The only problem with that was she spent the entire car ride asking questions about Riley Biers and how good of a kisser he was. Bella just laughed it off, while I nearly strangled my sister. I swear, Alice knew exactly what to say to irritate the hell out of me.

At the airport, we checked ourselves in and made our way to security with our families in tow. Once we reached the point where they wouldn't be allowed to pass, Bella and I took time to say goodbye to each of them.

"I'm going to miss you," my mom said, squishing me in a hug.

"Me, too, Mom," I assured, and kissed her cheek.

"Don't take drugs."

I raised an eyebrow. "Mom," I reprimanded. "Do you know me at all?"

She put her hands up in surrender. "I know, just reminding you."

I chuckled and moved on to Alice, wrapping her in my arms. "You'll be good, right? I don't want to have to fly home early just to scold you."

She snorted and tightened her arms around me. "Yeah, yeah, I'll be good."

I gave her a serious look. "And try not to spend too much time with Jasper."

"Ugh!" she exclaimed, and crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine, only if you try not to spend too much time with _Andy_."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "You're the devil," I said. "Do I need to give you the birds and the bees talk?"

"Ew, Edward. I can't talk about sex with you. You're my brother," she replied, causing me to roll my eyes. "Plus, Mom already beat you to it."

I groaned and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you soon, Ali."

Bella and I switched families. I said goodbye to Mrs. Swan with a hug and gave Mr. Swan a firm handshake. He shot me a warning look, which I understood to mean I wasn't to mess around with his daughter's heart. With an assuring expression, I let him know I would never do that. He nodded and patted my shoulder once.

"Ready?" Bella asked, and held out her hand to me.

I laced my fingers with hers. "Yep."

We gave one last wave to our families and walked to our destination. I wasn't sure what awaited me in Los Angeles, but every step I took with her, it felt more and more like I was heading home. I was finally getting to live my dream. And the bonus? I was doing it all with my dream girl.

**THE END**

* * *

**A/N: **

**We don't get to see what they get up to in LA, that's completely up to you. Although I didn't intend for this to have an epilogue, I've been toying around with the idea of a novella-styled sequel, which in my mind would be like an extended epilogue. Unfortunately, this isn't a guarantee. I have my other stories to work on first, including my new multi-chaptered fic. **

**Speaking of my new fic, it's called Washed Up. If you don't already know about it, there's a banner on my profile to give you an idea what it's about. Add me to author alert for that.**

**Time for some honesty, which you can ignore if you want:**

**First of all, thank you for reading and becoming so invested in this. I'd never done a novella before, and never thought I'd do one, but my last fic, MPMI, left me self-conscious, and I needed something to make me love writing again. When writing a story, you put a lot of yourself into it emotionally. It's like your baby. I had no idea MPMI would get as many reads as it did. **

**Although many enjoyed the story, there's a certain mentality that goes along with reviewing a fic that has quite a bit of reviews already there. Many think the author doesn't see what they say in the reviews/on Twitter, or that the author just doesn't care, which is far from true. I never ask for 100% positive reviews, but I also don't ask for hateful reviews, especially from people who I thought were my friends. It's very difficult to see people whose opinions you respect trash your story. So, as a result, I felt down on myself, and I even contemplated leaving the fandom after I finished up my WIPs. In real life, I'm not a pushover and I don't let anyone bully me around. In fact, I can be sort of a bitch, to be honest. But I let people's opinions get to me online. **

**Some of you have guessed that These Days is based off a song. That's true. "These Days" by Rascal Flatts inspired some portions of this story—mainly to do with Edward and Bella's star-crossed relationship. But overall, the plot branched from an experience I had with losing my boyfriend quite suddenly about a year ago. The emotions in this story felt so real because I went through them all—Alice's emotions, Esme's emotions, and Edward's. It was tough when people would criticize any of those characters' behaviors, but I made myself understand that not everyone can put themselves in the shoes of someone that has experienced death of a loved one. Bella, in this story, doesn't understand Edward's emotions, and you know what? That's okay. It's alright to have sympathy toward grief but lack empathy. **

**So, though most of this story was sad, I hope it conveyed a realistic experience of someone learning to deal with a close relation passing away, however long that may take, because grief has no time limit. **

**Thanks again for reading. **

**Twitter: xrxdanixrx**


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